Unbreakable Bond: A Mother and Daughter Journey Beyond Life

 

In this blog, I'm sharing a, mother daughter, journey that goes beyond life. into the afterlife.  Susan Young Oskey author of The Scent of Roses talk about the unbreakable bond between her daughter and herself and how this bond transcended death into the afterlife.  Susan's goal is to encourage mothers who lost daughters to know that there is, life after death. She shares thoughts on the afterlife and why the love between a mother and daughter is eternal.

If you're interested in hearing more about Susan's journey, or want to share your own thoughts on life after death, please feel free to leave a comment below!

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The effects of mental illness on teenagers

Susan Young Oskey had a happy childhood thanks to her loving and nurturing parents spending her teenage years being bullied and battling anxiety and depression. Susan found her calling as a teacher, she  is a retired Elementary School teacher with an M.A degree from Stony Brook University.  She enjoys traveling and spending time with her family.  After marrying Christopher she welcomed her baby girl Brittany and the following years were easily the best years of her life.

However things took took a tragic turn when her beloved daughter was taken from her.  Soon after losing Brittany in a tragic accident, Susan's life would have stopped if she hadn't discovered resources that helped bereaved parents like her find solace.  Since then Susan with the help of her family and friends in some ways to talk to Brittany who loves communicating with her mama, she's thrilled to be sharing her life experience with the Afterlife with those who are grieving over the loss of a loved one.

Myrna:  Susan can it you share your incredible story of a mother-daughter bond that that transcended death.

Susan: Brittany was a joy to us, we were thrilled when she was born because I had a late miscarriage before her and then we struggle to get pregnant again. She had a unique personality from a young age, she never held back what she was feeling.  She was very sassy, and very loving.  In her early teen years that her personality started to change a little bit and that's really where the story begins with her.

She started having, mental health, issues when she was around 12 or 13 years old. I noticed the problems the anxiety,  depression and just the lack of confidence.  Something that she always had when she was young and she didn't have it anymore, her confidence  was just gone.  I immediately got her into therapy and all through high school we worked on that.  It wasn't until a couple of psychiatrists gave her medications for her anxiety that we had we started to have some difficulties.

They kept changing her meds and as she went into the College Years, her anxiety wasn't getting any better, as a matter of fact it was getting worse.  She got into a great University she got into a Stony Brook University and we were just thrilled, but by that time it was her junior year in college she had given up on herself.  She stopped doing her homework, she stopped socializing she was depressed all the time and and the anxiety was through the roof.

[caption id="attachment_3955" align="alignnone" width="208"] Google Podcast Transform Your Mind[/caption]

Brittany's tried to relieve her pain with methadone and it killed her

She went to a friend's house one night in February of 2018, she had a lot of pain because she had an infection and she only had antibiotics for the  infection, nothing for pain and her friend told her that she had a bottle of methadone that would help with the pain.  So unknowingly my daughter took it because she just wanted to be relieved of the pain and it turned out to be fatal.

Myrna: Oh my goodness, so that's mixing the drugs. I'm assuming because for those that doesn't know what methadone is, it is the drug that they give you when you're getting off of heroin isn't it?

Susan: Yes,  it used to be used for pain relief as well.

Myrna: I am so sorry. I grieve for your for your pain.  Let's unpack it a little bit. Can you share what Brittany's, mental illness, was diagnosed with?  Was it bipolar, was it just depression?

Susan: It was bipolar depression and anxiety, so they were trying to treat those issues with the medication but she got worse and worse.  She had just turned 21 and the accident happened just 10 days after her 21st birthday.

Myrna: Oh my gosh, it's still fresh because you said 2018 so five years ago. Wow my heart bleeds for you.  I was just watching the biography of Anna Nicole and her son and almost the same thing happened to them.  Mixing drugs these days is pretty dangerous.

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A mother daughter bond in the afterlife

Myrna:  I can't say enough how sorry I am for your pain.  So tell us what happened after her death that transcended into her communicating with you?

Susan: Well I always had visits from family members through my dreams and at the beginning, I thought they're just dreams but it turned out they started giving me messages.  My uncle came to tell me to stop smoking,  he had died from lung cancer.  A cousin that had taken his life came to me in a dream and told me I'm okay now, please tell the family that I'm okay.

I was very open to communicating with my daughter.  Of course the weeks that followed her death were traumatic, we were in shock and disbelief.  This was beyond any pain that I have ever experienced in my life. I mean I've never felt such pain before and I think anybody that's a parent could definitely understand.  I couldn't believe she left so young at the age of just turning 21 she was barely legal.

So soon after my daughter's death, I started smelling very strong scent of roses.  At first I thought this has got to be an air freshener, but there's no air freshener plugged in.   It didn't matter where I went, I was visiting my sister down in Florida and it happened there.  It happened when I was driving my car to meet friends and I'm like at that point I said no no this is real this is really happening.

Myrna: Let me jump for a minute.  Why roses was that one of her favorite flowers?

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Scent of roses: communication from the afterlife

Susan: Roses were her favorite flowers and she would keep the roses in her room even after they died, so I I knew right away that's what she was doing for me.  Then I started having the dream visits from her and she was showing me herself and how she looked. It was amazing,  she told me that she was okay.  Even my husband who never ever had any dream visits from anyone before, got one from her and I was just amazed that she got through to him.

I asked him what did what did she look like and he said she's wearing one of those plaid shirts that she always wore and she was with a friend and she said Dad I'm okay and he said to her I've been looking for you lamb.  He used to call her lamb and and she said I'm okay now.  My husband never believed in the afterlife at all,  he didn't have any kind of beliefs but he does now.

Myrna:  Did you ever talk to Brittany other than in dreams?  Did you ever go to a medium?

Susan: Yes I have,  many came through with validations of things that happened to me when I was a child, things that she could not possibly know.  The medium said to me she's telling me that when you were a little girl your father almost drowned in the pool.

Myrna: For those of you listening, I'll link out to it this past episode, it  just gives collaboration to this story. In a past episode called https://myhelps.us/is-there-life-after-death-mothers-story/ A mother and her son again was having some issues,  he was 28. and he went to a party and a friend gave him heroin and even though she said he was six foot six or something a big guy that one dose was fatal.  She was devastated, she had some Clairvoyant ability in her from the past and she kept feeling her son around her.

She it was like a bird fluttering and then she decided to go to a medium and they started communicating and she became a Shaman and and now she helps other spirits communicate with loved ones.  So why do you think that Brittany started showing up with the the, Scent of Roses?  Do you think she came back because of the, mother daughter bond, transcended into the afterlife?

[caption id="attachment_7262" align="alignnone" width="300"] Book Scent of Roses by Susan Young Oskey[/caption]

A mother daughter bond in the afterlife

Susan: the bond between a mother and daughter that transcends debt do you think that she came back um because of that Bond she came back because she had a message for you what why do you think it happened we were very close as mother and daughter we went beyond the usual mother-daughter relationship we would travel all the time just the two of us we would do everything together you know as she got older into adulthood you know she was my best friend.

I mean that's what we were and she was the type of young adult that would share with me things that other parents probably didn't want to hear but she felt comfortable enough, so I feel that she wanted to let me know that bond has not been broken.

It was okay for me to get  communication from the afterlife because I've had it before.  She was able to come to me a lot easier.

Myrna: Brittany must have been a very powerful spirit because one of the things that I've learned from having several conversations about, life after death, is that the reason that we don't see Spirit all the time even though they're all over, is because they're at a different frequency.  In order for them to come into our experience, they either have to know how to lower their frequency or we have to know how to raise ours.

Susan: That's exactly what I was told.  Brittany was able to lower her vibration and because I am an empath too and I'm a sensitive, if I really concentrate I can make mine higher as well.

Myrna: Tell us  why was it important for you to write about your daughter's story in the book Scent of Roses?

Susan: I wanted to share her story and I shared a little bit of my story, I wanted to bring to the light the, mental illness, problem that we do have here and I also wanted to share my experiences with the afterlife to give people a little bit of hope.  I know I have helped some people, I'm not saying everyone, but people have told me they're not afraid of death anymore.

I joined a group called Helping Parents Heal and parents are communicating with their kids in the afterlife.

[caption id="attachment_1655" align="alignnone" width="275"] Download on Spotify[/caption]

Mental Illness causes families a lot of pain

Brittany did not get any help to relieve the symptoms of her mental illness.   I really don't think the drugs they gave her were helping. I have nothing but bad experiences from them, her mental illness was real but there's kind of be a better way to treat it than just loading them up on drugs that didn't work.

Myrna:  It's great that you're helping someone that's grieving about a loss of a child or a spouse or a loved one to know that the afterlife is there.  You're also highlighting the issue with, mental illness drugs, they're not doing anything to help manage the illness.

Tell us about your book why should someone go ahead and get the book

Susan:  I think a lot of people can relate to the mental health issue because there are a lot of people out there. I also talked about bullying people not being nice to one another and all things that Britney stood for.  Also the healing comes from knowing that you're going to hear from them, you're going to see them again at some point.   In the beginning after her death she practically threw herself in front of me to say Mom I'm here.

I truly believe that if people knew the truth about the afterlife that they wouldn't be so fearful.

Myrna:  Where can our listeners pick up a copy of your book, if you're on social media what are your social media handles. What do you want them to walk away with after reading the book?

Susan:  I want them to walk away with a sense of peace and calmness. I also want them to know they're not alone with all the struggles that we go through in life and I want to give them hope that life's gonna continue on.   My book is on Amazon it's also um on my website www.thescentofroses.com

and my Instagram account is @Brittanyscentofroses

https://youtu.be/cr6mICV50rg

 Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/mental-illness-my-bipolar-life/

The Secret Link Between Your Gut and Brain with Dr Will Cole

 

In this podcast episode, I'm talking with Dr. Will Cole about the, gut brain connection, and how your gut feelings, can affect your brain. Dr. Cole is a world-renowned functional medicine practitioner and health advisor to Gwyneth Paltrow. He is an expert in the field of, cellular health, and inflammation, and he has some amazing insights to share with you about the connection between how you eat and how you feel. If you're curious about the, gut brain connection, and how your, gut feelings, can affect your overall health, then this podcast episode is for you! Dr. Cole discusses the relationship between your gut and brain in detail and explains how you can use this knowledge to improve your health and well-being.

Download the podcast here: 

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The gut-brain connection explained

Dr Will Cole Health advisor to Gwyneth Paltrow top functional medicine practitioner in New York Times best-selling author has dedicated his career to teaching people to apply skepticism to National Trends and instead pay closer attention to their own intuition his new book "Gut Feelings Healing the Shame Fueled Relationship Between What you Eat and What you Feel" and how you feel sorry demystifies the gut brain connection and provides a framework to prepare the relationship between what you eat and how you feel .

Named one of the top 50 functional and integrated doctors in the nation Dr Will Cole provides a functional medicine approach for thyroid issues, autoimmune conditions, hormonal imbalances ,digestive disorders, and brain problems. He's the host of "Art of the Being Well" podcast and the author of " Ketotarian the Information Spectrum" and the New York Times bestseller "Intuitive Fasting"

Myrna: I have followed you for years on Instagram and Facebook but a few months ago you know I'm always on YouTube I have a YouTube channel so I saw your Ad about, cellular health, and I thought it was so great that I wanted to sign up for the webinar on autoimmune conditions and cellular inflammation.  I signed up for your, health assessment, where they sent me a kit to check my inflammation levels.

Can you introduce yourself by telling our audience um you know how you became to be one of the top 50 functional medicine doctors the doctor of Gwyneth Paltrow and maybe you can introduce us to what you do with helping clients get rid of their, cellular inflammation.

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Functional medicine and Telehealth

Dr Cole: we've been in Telehealth for the 13 for 13 plus years like that's been our day job and my passion and my heart is to really be a part of people's Health journey and figure out why they're struggling with their health issues right so that's our main focus and from that the passion and that sacred responsibility that I hold for our Telehealth patients comes the books in the podcast like all of that Springs from that so thank you for I honor I'm honestly honored that you have to be a part of your health journey and I take that extremely seriously and as I mentioned like we've we started within the first functional medicine Telehealth centers 13 plus years ago

We have several ways that we serve Telehealth patients we have our one-on-one Telehealth concierge which is one-on-one private sessions, and then we have the, autoimmune Health reset, that we launched years ago like three years ago at this point to enhance or  level up the amount of people we can support.   The urine test reveals inflammation which  is the commonality between just about every health problem Under the Sun.

Inflammation and insulin resistance

I mean autoimmune problems are inflammatory metabolic issues like trouble losing weight, insulin resistance, type 2 diabetes, PCOS polycystic ovarian syndrome, which is driven by, insulin resistance, and other hormonal problems to digestive problems you mentioned musculoskeletal inflammation issues to even things like fatigue and anxiety and depression are all inflammatory there's a whole field of research called the cytokine model of cognitive function cytokines are pro-inflammatory cells.

Researchers exploring in the scientific literature how does inflammation impact how our brain works. How does inflammation impact mental health so what one of the ways we measure inflammation is that urine tests, but we also run blood tests like high sensitivity C-reactive protein homocysteine levels. These are just objective data points to show people their Baseline.   What's driving the inflammation in both physiological and psychological components is underlying, gut health.

75 percent of your, immune system, resides so there's a lot of gut-centric components to inflammation that could impact your joints, going to impact your mental health it could impact your hormones and impact your blood sugar that we need to calm down so what you embarked on through that group Telehealth model was us to calm down these root causes of inflammation so people can live the life they were created for.

Also natural medicines biohacking different tools mind-body practices trauma work to really deal with what's causing that dysregulation of their immune system which is what chronic inflammation is.  Inflammation is not inherently bad, it's a product of the immune system.

Gut brain connection and the vagus nerve

Myrna: I've always known about the, gut brain connection, and the, leaky gut, but I've been learning specifically about you know things getting through the lining and causing inflammation and and I see now where you know the gut is the main resource which is mitochondria and all these different things.  Can you talk about the, gut brain connection.

Dr Cole:  I mentioned that inflammation is a product of the immune system 75 % to about two-thirds of the immune system resides in the gut or originates in the gut so to understand inflammation you want to look at where the predominance of the immune system resides. But not just from an immune inflammatory standpoint, but also from a, brain health ,standpoint. The gut and brain are actually formed from the same fetal tissue so when babies are growing in their mother's womb the gut and brain are formed .

Serotonin a neurotransmitter is made in the gut and stored in the gut.  Fifty percent of dopamine, the pleasure neurotransmitter is made and stored in the gut.  The vagus nerve which is the largest cranial nerve in the body these neurotransmitters as we understand it today are made in the gut don't pass through the blood-brain barrier but what they do is crosstalk to the brain through the vagus nerve.

Parasympathetic response and the vagus nerve

So when you hear these conversations that are happening more and more around a dysregulated nervous system what we're actually talking about here is an overactive sympathetic state of that fight, flight or freeze stressed inflamed State and an under active parasympathetic that resting digesting hormone balance date both are important just like inflammation there's nothing inherently wrong with the sympathetic response it's meant to protect that us and it does protect us but it's meant to come up and overact and then calm down when the threat is removed.

Most people are in a state of nervous system dysregulation that it's just always on the sympathetic response is always on to varying degrees and that as you're an underactive resting digesting meaning calm anti-anxiety normal, gut health, normal digestive response. This has to do with what's called the nervous system it's the neuro-aminoendocrine axis so the intersection between our nervous system the endocrine system.

Myrna:  How does the gut influence your hormone production or depression? Can you bridge the gap on inflammation as the commonality between all these health problems?

Dr Cole: But the word there the key word is commonality meaning it's the common link but something's causing the inflammation so what's Upstream to the inflammation because if inflammation's not inherently bad we're just talking about dysregulated chronic inflammation, that forest fire that's burning perpetuity for people that's impacting their mental health and their physical health and their hormones and their digestion and their pain levels and their energy levels.

We look at what's causing the inflammation.  It's like the check engine light, so if the check engine light's on in your car you don't just keep under driving and cover up the check engine light and act like it's not on.  Let's do some Diagnostics to see why that check engine light is on, so that's what we do in functional medicine. So I talk about this in the book at both physiological and psychological drivers of inflammation, so both approaches have to be looked at.

Gut Feelings: The gut brain connection

So underlying gut problems nutrient deficiencies chronic infections like we deal with mold toxicity or chronic lyme disease or environmental toxins those physiological things will impact inflammation, impact our mood and all that stuff it can impact the anxiety depression automate everything on the psychological side.   The Chronic infections environmental toxins will can trigger that for some people that have genetic predispositions for autoimmunity, but on a psychological thing side of things.

That's why in part why I called the book, gut feelings, it's gut and feelings it's a physiological and the psychological the physical and the mental emotional spiritual.  Those things can trigger the, gut brain connection, things like unresolved trauma and chronic stress and something that I call in the book shame formation. Because our body is a cellular library and our thoughts and our words our emotions our experiences will impact the expression of our biochemistry.

Myrna:  I've had several um people on the show talk about childhood trauma results in autoimmune conditions so I'm getting the connection now so that's amazing.

Alcohol and the gut brain connection

Myrna: You say that alcohol affects our, gut brain connection.  Are you including red wine as alcohol?

Dr Cole: I'm including red wine in this bucket, so you could make the argument that there's some Redemptive qualities for wine right because it has it Resveratrol which is like antioxidant yeah so you know and it has like polyphenols like other antioxidants in it because it's from like the grapes that is true but actually this compelling amount of data that shows you need to drink an obscene amount of wine to get like to a great therapeutic dose.

Now you can make the other argument towards alcohol and say well couldn't it be alcohol is a hormetic effect in the body it's like a hormesis is a term that means like a good stressor on the body that makes the cells more resilient so fasting is a harmonic effect high intensity interval training is a hermetic effect cold therapy sauna these are all hormatic effects in the body.   Let's do some high intention interval training, that's healthier forms of hermesis than this alcohol .  Then supplement with Resveratrol or drink some eat some fruits and vegetables.

Myrna:  I've heard time and time again about the benefits of red wine my husband is an avid Red Wine Drinker and I just picked it up again like a couple weeks ago because because I heard about the benefits of red wine.

Dr Cole:  I need to talk to your husband .

Myrna:  So you have a 21 day gut feeling plan designed to help your clients heal can you talk to us about that what's in that plan.

Dr Cole:   I adapted the plan in the book based off of different tools that we Implement into our Telehealth patients  lives into their protocols so for this book every day of the 21 days there's a gut and a Feeling tool. So there's a physiological and a psychological gut day.  We could do a little bit of what you did during that autoimmune Health reset, we focus on soups and stews which is a great way to support that ,gut brain access, that microbiome mood axis to also lower inflammations, which is where two-thirds of the immune system resides.

So this is nothing new to our Landscapes humans right you look at any traditional Society they use soups and stews lots of times right I mean just every day let alone when somebody's sick or therapeutically you know that cliche of chicken noodle soup it's not the noodles that we're helping people it was the broths and the vegetables that were cooked down it was the proteins that were cooked and easy to digest so there's something healing about that on many levels for people.

So it's born as a protocol that we we modify for patients based on what's relevant to them we modify what's called a gaps protocol a it's an acronym gaps it stands for gut and psychology syndrome or gut and Physiology syndrome which is the gut brain Axis or the gut immune Axis or like chronic autoimmune problems so it's used clinically with different applications for different purposes. So I  give soup recipes and broth recipes in the book to support that, gut brain immune access, over the course of the 21 days.

On the feelings  side, my favorite science back tools that I've seen really work in patients lives also the research is so exciting so things like breath work and the history of breath work and breath work practices that helps to regulate the nervous system, strengthening the vagal tone. A lot of the plan is actually improving vagal tone, most people have a weak vagus nerve they're resting digesting the system is weak they have anxiety inflammation and poor digestion.

We're actually helping to support and strengthen so food on the physiological side on the gut side of that, gut feeling, crosstalk will help to improve vagal tone because the more you lower inflammation the more you support gut from gut health from a nutrition standpoint will improve vagal tone but on a psychological side we need to implement things like breath work to strengthen the vagus nerve to regulate that nervous system.

https://youtu.be/BMTKmWcMaQg

Strengthening the vagus nerve

Myrna:  I do a lot of meditation on the vagus nerve because  everything happens when you relax and that is one way I help myself relax and I do you know breath work meditation,  I wasn't aware that you can strengthen the vagus nerve so this is new information for me.

Myrna: Your  book Gut Feelings: Healing the Shame-Fueled Relationship Between What You Eat and How You Feel is on Amazon so tell us how people can get in contact with you your website social media

Dr Cole:  Everything's at Drwillcole.com  all the links to everything we talked about in today's conversation are there, so are the links to the Telehealth Center.  We have new Telehealth patient options now open a the autoimmune Health reset is one of them but lab information people can run Labs. The links to the books are there Gut Feelings,  Intuitive fasting, The inflammation spectrum and Ketotarian the links to the podcast The Art of Being Well. I have a new episode every week. I'm on Instagram @Drwillcole same with Facebook Tic Tock.

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/connection-between-childhood-trauma-autoimmune-disease/

 

Unlocking the Hidden Dangers of Relying on Your Feelings

 

In this blog post, I'm going to talk about the dangers of relying on your feelings. I think a lot of people rely on their feelings to guide them through life, but this isn't always the best way to go.

This is illustrated in the bible story of Jacob and Essau. In the bible story of Isaac Jacob and Essau. Isaac told Essau to go out and find something wild and cook it the way I like it, then I am going to bless you. But Rebecca, Esau’s mother cooked up a scheme to fool Isaac because he was blind and could not see.

She went into the back yard and killed something that was not wild and cooked it to make it taste like something wild and gave it to Jacob to take to his father. When Jacob told her that his brother was hairy and he had smooth skin. His mother glued animal skin to his arms so he would feel like his brother. This story shows the dangers of relying on your feelings.

Download the podcast here:

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God expects you to do something before he blesses you

As a follow up thought, I want you to know that before God blesses you, you have to do something. He is not going to bless you if you sit on the couch and pray. He is going to tell you to go look for work, go fill out applications. If you are praying for a spouse he is going to tell you to go to the watering hole to find this man. Don’t expect to sit on the couch and this man will knock on your door. God also wants to bless you when you take risks and be wild. Isaac told Essau to go hunting for something wild, cook it the way I like and then I will bless you.

But Rebecca, Esau’s mother cooked up a scheme to fool Isaac because he was blind and could not see. She went into the back yard and killed something that was not wild and cooked it to make it taste like something wild and gave it to Jacob to take to his father. When Jacob told her that his brother was hairy and he had smooth skin.  His mother glued animal skin to his arms so he would feel like his brother.

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Your feelings can lie to you

Which is the lesson for today. Sometimes your feelings lie, so don’t always trust your feelings. Do a deep dive into the situation. Gather all the facts.

Your feelings will convince you they are coming back even though they have clearly moved on.

• Ignore your feelings and trust your spirit
• Your spirit is stronger than your flesh
• Be honest with yourself
• Why are you still with that man? It is because of how he makes you feel.
• You can’t be with somebody just because of how they make you feel
• Jacob felt like his brother, but he didn’t sound like your brother.

When he spoke his father noticed the difference. He said you feel like Jacob but you don’t sound like him.

Don’t get caught up in how that man makes you feel, listen to what he says and how he says it. Because out of the mouth the heart speaks.

[caption id="attachment_4930" align="alignnone" width="225"] Transform Your Mind Podnews[/caption]

Listen to what people are saying: Don't just trust your feelings

Is he talking about the future or is he talking about himself. You have to watch for the disconnect between the feelings and the voice.

Isaacs realized that the feelings did not match the voice.

Then he became suspicious and asked. How did you get it so quickly? That is how did you go hunting for something wild and cooked it so quickly.

Jacob lied and said I got it this quickly because of God.  God did it. If you do something wild, then that could be your true answer. God did it for me. They told me it was going to take 10 years before I could be a supervisor, but God did it in 3 years.

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God did it for me

They ask me, how did your podcast become #1 in the personal development space? How did you get it so quickly with no celebrity guests on your show?  How did you get it so quickly as an independent podcaster without a team.

My answer I got so quickly because of God and my mother.

My mother wasn’t the perfect mother, but she taught me how to trust God. She showed me how to work hard and to never give up.

I got it so quickly because I was born to do this. I was anointed by God for this job and the devil knows not to mess with me.

In your daily life, your feelings, thoughts, and attitudes are you order form. The currency you pay for your order to the universe is your belief. You have to establish the feelings the condition you want is already present.

https://youtu.be/_EToDPjMzKY

Feelings can be deceiving

Jacob got his blessing by pretending to feel like his brother, but he had to run for his life after that because his brother wanted to kill him.

Isaac could not give Essau his blessing as the first born son because he had already given it to Jacob and he could not take it back. Similarly, when you give yourself to someone because of how they made you feel and then you find out that they tricked you, you can’t take back what you give them already. That is why, never trust your feelings alone, because your feeling can lie to you.

Additional Resources 

https://myhelps.us/how-use-feelings-manifest-dreams/

Becoming Flawesome: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

Kristina Mand-Lakhiani, co founder of Mindvalley, shares how to become flawesome with radical self acceptance. If you’ve ever felt burdened by perfectionism, pressured to be someone you’re not, and driven to live up to other people’s expectations even if it means concealing your true self, then this podcast episode is for you.
In this episode, Kristina talks about the concepts of perfectionism, flawesome, and self-acceptance. She shares with you her journey of self-discovery and how these concepts have helped her to become flawesome!

In her book "Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life"  Kristina guides you through the beautiful process of radical self-acceptance, so you can embrace your flaws, quirks, and scars so find your way back to yourself.

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MindValley startup

Myrna: You are the co-founder of MindValley with Vishen Lakiani.  I love Vishen Lakiani I think that you guys do good work and I know the story because I've gone to several of his webinars and read  his books.   I know the story of how he came about  to start MindValley and his journey. So let's talk about you today, why did you begin this personal development company? What motivated and inspired you?

Kristina: I mean you know whether it's the same as Vishen's or not but what is what is the story behind Mindvalley? That question will require a little bit of a background, so  the founder of Mindvalley is Vishen Lakiani and by the family name Lakiani you might guess we are related.  We used to be married for 16 years, so when Vishen was starting MindValley it was back in 2003.

I had moved to New York, we got married in 2003. I had moved to New York from Europe and I was looking for a job and Vishen had a job and he had a side hustle which became MindValley. I usually say that I ended up in, personal growth, reluctantly and by accident and that's absolutely true. I had nothing better to do but to help Vishen with his side business because he had a full-time job and we depended on his income as a family.

We depended on it so I thought it was the right thing to do, but at that time I would also say, I thought I ended up in, personal growth, reluctantly and obstinately because I was still planning to make my own career somewhere else. I started in the government working in a very different field from, personal growth, so it took years before I accepted my fate.

MindValley is now a top personal growth company

Myrna: I know Vishen's story that his business that he had. I think it was doing websites. You said it was like a, side hustle,  that's amazing that the company for anybody that doesn't know about MindValley it's like a top 10 company in, personal growth, in the world.

Kristina: We have grown yes and we have changed since the beginning since 2003 so definitely it's been quite a journey and yeah we do consider ourselves one of the biggest education companies in personal growth and transformation.

Myrna: All right so then you started in your personal journey and according to your personal growth journey I should say and according to your bio you got to work with some of the greats. I'm in the space you know so I know all these different people I love Michael Beckwick. I love his work. I love Bob Proctor and I don't do a lot with Lisa Nichols because she basically teaches you how to be a professional speaker, but I know that you know she has done very well for herself.

So what is one of the greatest lessons you've learned from Michael Beckwith let's just pick one or if you want to use one of the other ones that's in your bio you know it's so hard to be picking uh like one of the greatest lessons from any of the people.

Lesson of self acceptance from Michael Beckwith

Kristina: I probably learned from Michael Beckwith the lesson that I have learned would be a little bit reversed from what you would expect. I'll give you a situation of course I've heard him speak and I've heard his teachings, but the lesson came in a different shape and form. So I started working in, personal growth, and transformation as an entrepreneur and a marketer initially so I got to know all these people as their partner in the sense because we were helping them to get their word out to to other people.

So I wasn't ever their colleague in the sense that I wasn't one of the authors. It happened much later at some point I re-invented myself and my life and it would be a completely different story, but some five six years ago I started going into becoming an author because I was ready. I had embraced, personal growth, and transformation and it was it was quite a few years ago.

I remember I was going on MindValley Stage and we have a very impressive stage and we had a huge audience probably one of my biggest at that time and I was following Michael Beckwith and a few other people and I remember being completely terrified because I felt, who am I to go on stage after all those people?  I do actually mention Michael Beckwith in that story because he is such an energetic and such a strong speaker that when you listen to him you're hooked. you're just there and I have a very different style, so I remember going on stage and having this huge impostor syndrome thinking how can I compare.

From impostor syndrome to self acceptance

I can never be as good as Michael Beckwith speaking. I can never be as good as another speaker who was there who had built a massive company. I could never be as good as another speaker there who had written a bestselling book and was super famous. I was comparing myself faster and faster to all those great people and feeling smaller and smaller and smaller until I remembered the words of a friend of mine who said we are so hooked on the idea that we have this one talent that we are forgetting that we are multi-talented.

That actually helped me to suddenly realize that it is not in this one thing where I have to be the best in the world, but in the unique combination of things that make me who I am. That's where probably the biggest value that I have for the world. Michael Beckwith was one person who taught me, self acceptance. There are people who are so much better, so much more accomplished than me in every single area, if I take them separately, but what gives me value is the combination of my works, of my unique features of the things that maybe I am ashamed of. That combination is what gives me my unique value and what gives me the right to be on stage with all those wonderful people.

Lisa Nichols helped me become Flawesome

Myrna: Lisa Nichols is a powerful speaker. I saw her quite recently, she's awesome, but what I just love what you just said is that we all have this inferiority complex because you know we think that someone is is better than us but I love what he says that our combination is what makes us unique.

Kristina: We often think that our lessons come in very clear messages and of course Michael doesn't teach that. He teaches, self acceptance, that is what I learned from that interaction and that's interesting. You know Lisa Nichols for example, she's wonderful in so many ways and she actually has taught me public speaking one-on-one including, self acceptance, of my accent and flaws.

She's such a wonderful human being but the one thing I learned from her is one this is one saying that she occasionally says in some of her speeches.

The world has no need for your perfection

Conscious uncoupling after divorce

Myrna: So let's talk about you, back to you now and some of the things that you bring to the table. One of the things you talk about is, hacking happiness, after, conscious uncoupling.  You were married to Vishen for 16 years that's a long time, in fact that's how long I've been married to my current husband 16 years. you're talking about, conscious uncoupling, hacking happiness.

Kristina: Well, conscious uncoupling, is actually a term coined by another of Mindvalley authors  Catherine Woodward Thomas

For me and Vishen it was just a journey we chose to take when we decided to separate. Vishen had known Catherine by then and he had known about this concept so we did follow her teachings to a degree, but I think any kind of relationship is a product of these two people. So you can learn from other person how to be a good parent, how to have a happy marriage.

I think that every couple that uncouples consciously and couples according to Catherine Woodward Thomas has their own story and the other examples that I've seen. I don't normally talk about relationships because it's not my forte. I do talk about, hacking happiness, although not connected to uncoupling per se.

Hacking happiness: conscious uncoupling

I talk about, hacking happiness, as a choice, as a trainable skill as maybe a habit which is very contrary to a lot of ideas. I like to talk about happiness especially to very skeptical people because they always make you see things in a new light in a way.   I do talk about happiness, but not in relation to uncoupling because I think in that aspect I'm still in the process. I mean we uncoupled four years ago and you might say that it's long enough time, but we are in each other's life's a lot we grow children together.

We still have business together, we are friends, we do a lot of things together, so I think as long as we have each other in each other's life it will be a constantly evolving relationship.

Myrna: Well at least you parted amicably.  What I know about relationships is it's very hard to, consciously uncouple, because it's either you did something that hurt me and I don't want anything to do with you.   It's very hard to say we are better separate than we are together and we're gonna, consciously uncouple, and put our kids first.  That term , consciously uncoupling, has become popular because you know the word that I heard before was, co-parenting.

Kristina:  I would strongly recommend studying Catherine Thomas because she has the experience, she's a psychotherapist who has been working with couples focusing on relationships.   We do need to re-imagine the end of relationships.  We have such a rigid approach to that relationship is only a success if it lasts, but that's not the case.  We have all witnessed relationships that maybe lasts a really long time but it's dead inside.

Catherine suggests and I really love this idea is why don't we judge the successful relationship not by the length of a relationship but by the extent that both people have maybe evolved or created things together.

Hacking Happiness: The Art of becoming Flawesome

Myrna: you also talk about how can we live by our own rules and walk in our fruit and um you know that's basically our topic today, hacking happiness, and the Art of becoming flawsome. Tell us what that word means because I'm putting my own interpretation to it.

Kristina: I'm very reluctant to give definition of the word flawesome even in my book. My editor insisted that I have to add it.   My book well it's called Becoming flawesome.  It is  a book about,  self acceptance, and finding your way back to you.  Our flaws is just this necessary condition because when you find your way back to you, you will discover that probably you're not that picture of perfection that you have been drawing in your head and aspiring for.

Become flawesome by accepting your flaws and practicing, self acceptance.  Becoming  flawesome is a personal experience and you are absolutely right it's about embracing your flaws and being okay with them. It's embracing your flaws, it's learning to not just accept, but love yourself with your flaws, and maybe not even with the flaws, but because of them.  Because every single facet of you makes you unique.

Even those things that you maybe are feeling ashamed about or don't want to show to the world they are a part of you that makes you uniquely you and if you have the courage to go further and deeper, it is about about finding strengths in the things that you might have considered your flaws choosing them to become your blessing rather than your curse.

Conclusion: Your self acceptance journey

Yes as you were talking you know a lot of women including me.

Myrna: Let's talk about your book, how did you come up with that title and what is it that you want the um readers to walk away?

Kristina:  I hope that this book is going to be a companion on the journey back to you for every single reader. However many readers I'm going to get, that's how many destinations this book will have. I don't teach people, I don't believe in teaching, I believe transformation happens when people are ready and who am I to teach anyone, but I am a companion, I have been through this journey. I ask a lot of questions. I hold the hand, so I do believe and hope that this book is everybody's individual unique journey back to,  self acceptance.

Myrna; How can our audience get a copy of your book and connect with you on social media.  Let us know your website and your Instagram or your social media handles.

Kristina: My name is a little complicated, but the rest is easy so my name is Kristina Mand-Lakiani my website is www.kristinamand.com and then the book is slash book so it's super easy.  My handle for all all the social media Instagram Facebook is the same https://www.instagram.com/kristinamand/

Additional Resources

https://youtu.be/hTQOCoWTU7Q

https://myhelps.us/how-be-happy-happiness-recipe/

The Complex Impact of Father Absence

 

As we approach Father’s Day, I wanted to talk about, father absence. I was inspired to talk about this from an article I read from relationship coach Andre Paradis. He shared some disturbing, father absence statistics, and the, causal effects of, father absence, and, black father absence.

Back in the 60’s, 5% of white women, 15% of Latinas, and 20% of black women were single mothers. Fast forward 40 years later Now, 20% of white women, 55% of Latinas and 70% of black women are single mothers. Those are scary numbers. The causal effects of, father absence, is that 70% of criminals in jail come from, single-mom households? 90% of all inmates are males, fatherless males.

Download the podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13033015-the-complex-impact-of-father-absence.mp3?download=true

Black father absence

As a black woman I empathize with my black sisters who are raising their children without fathers.

As a relationship coach Andre feels the reason for, father absence, is because women are not able to create healthy bonds with men so they leave. Also, the role of a father is to provide and protect his family and now the women have become the providers and protectors. No wonder women have lost their, feminine traits, and men run around calling us, masculine women.

Problem is Andre says, is women can’t raise men. I know they say that we only raise cattle not kids, but that is the only word we know.

Single family homes or to be specific, single mom homes, are creating kids who are not contributing members to society.

70% of criminals in jail come from, single-mom households. 90% of all inmates are males, fatherless males.

Without a father present, boys don’t learn to develop some very basic male traits like integrity, accountability, sacrifice, character-building choices, appropriate use of force, how to provide or protect, etc. Only men can teach young men how to become good men.

[caption id="attachment_5322" align="alignnone" width="300"] Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm[/caption]

 Father absence creates soft men

He says women don’t have these traits built in. Women pass on connection, tenderness, being kind, sweet and loving, being passive, sharing instead of competing, etc. The problem is that raising boys to be sweet girls doesn’t make them sweet boys; it makes them emotional, and weak. Not able to provide or protect a family.

Masculine men, who had a father as a role model, control their tempers and do what needs to be done regardless of how they “feel” about it. They protect women, children, animals, and the weak, because they’ve built up their character and know that they are valuable and capable. Weak, sweet, soft men DON’T! Boys need Men to show them the right way and the honorable way.

Women can’t do this for boys. They have a whole different set of innate values and characteristics.

[caption id="attachment_5323" align="alignnone" width="300"] RadioPublic Transform your mind[/caption]

Father absence makes girls look for love in all the wrong places

But boys are not the only ones who need a father, girls needs a daddy for two very important reasons.

• First, she needs her dad to be the first man to love and protect her. This builds her trust in men. Girls who grow up without a father’s love go looking for love in all the wrong places.
• Secondly, young girls who are raised without fathers have NO idea what a “daddy” (father role-model) looks like and does in life. Without daddy energy in the house or around her, a young woman sees her mom become the provider and protector and she in turn becomes a, masculine woman, which takes away her femininity, vulnerability and ability to trust anyone… especially men.

So, ladies your children need their fathers. Do whatever you can to encourage a relationship with their fathers even if he does not support them financially. A father’s love is priceless.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Your kids need you.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

https://youtu.be/d6m4SCADMaY

Additional resources

https://myhelps.us/how-single-women-over-40-find-love/

Unraveling the Mystery of the Vagus Nerve and Your Soul

 

In this podcast episode, we're going to explore the mysterious world of the, vagus nerve, and its role in our soul. We'll explore the science behind the vagus nerve and what it means for our spiritual journey. If you're curious about the vagus nerve and its connection to your spiritual journey, then this episode is for you!

We'll explore the science behind the vagus nerve and its role in our soul. We'll discuss the spiritual significance of the vagus nerve and how it can help us connect with our innermost self. This is a unique episode that will serve as a introduction to the spiritual world for those who are curious about it!

The vagus nerve is the longest nerve in the human body. The soul is believed to be this silver cord which is attached at the breastbone that feeds the soul oxygen.  This magnetic operation depends entirely on the pure effort of the soul using the spirit of, etheric body, through the Highway of the, vagus nerve.

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Bio

Rev. Karen E. Herrick, PhD, finished an interdisciplinary doctoral major at Union Institute and University, Cincinnati, Ohio, in 2008 in Philosophy.

After having a profound spiritual experience during a Hylotropic Breathwork training, Karen Herrick became extremely interested in the connection between the body and the spirit, and how we can use this information to help people heal.

Did extensive research into spiritual psychology, spiritual phenomena, and titled her heavily researched thesis "Naming Spiritual Experiences".   She has shared her clinical expertise for thirty years in private practice and by lecturing on dysfunctional, addictive homes, dissociation, and grief and loss from a Jungian perspective. She is now researching the potential benefits of mediumship knowing that grief is primarily resolved when the bereaved can recognize their continuing spiritual bonds with the deceased.

Myrna: How does the 2 bodies, the physical body and the, spiritual body, work together?

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The soul is part of our spiritual body

Humans have two bodies. We have a physical body and then we have a, spiritual body. The, spiritual body, comes from an atom that is placed in utero when we are conceived. And the physical body grows around that atom. So, as we grow physically, the spiritual body grows. So, you have this miniature body that is growing inside of you. And it is housed in your solar plexus.

And there's a cord that attaches to your breastbone, which is called the silver cord. When you die and go to the other side, your soul has to go because a soul is not born, it was created. And so, it has to go back up to the etheric world. So, gravity doesn't stop it because it just goes, but what I figured out this cord is connected to the, vagus nerve, which is the longest nerve in your body.

It goes from the top comes down goes around your neck, the amygdala, which controls the fight flight or frozen impulses, and then goes down your spine into your heart and into your stomach. Darwin said in the 1700s, that this was your pneumo gastric nerve.

So, I started studying the, vagus nerve. Dr. Porges was teaching you this, vagus breath, where you breathe in, for instance to the count of four, and then you breathe out as long as you can go because that relaxes the, vagus nerve.

Myrna: I do the, vagus breath, I do breathe in for 4, hold for 4 and out for 6.

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Vagus nerve and spirituality

Karen: That's fine once it's a longer outlet. However, you do it calms down the, vagus nerve, so that people with post-traumatic stress or panic, anxiety can calm themselves down. So, I started teaching that we all have this, vagus nerve, and we are responsible for keeping it calm.

Myrna: Okay, a couple of circle backs there. Wow. I keep saying this every week. I love my work. So, let's talk about the soul because I've heard before that the soul goes in and out. Right, it's in front of you. Sometimes it goes in and it's around the, solar plexus. I've actually never heard before that the soul is connected to a cord and your body grows around it.

Karen: It forms a mass of some kind. So that could be atoms, protons, chemicals, I'm not sure what it looks like coming up the, vagus nerve, but some people have explained that they actually saw it outside of their body. That the soul is egg shaped and it's connected by the silver cord is connected by a cord because it always needs the oxygen from your physical body in order to survive. Now, so, people that have had this experience where they can leave from the physical body and go into the, spiritual body, that is called, astral travel.

[caption id="attachment_5657" align="alignnone" width="300"] curiocaster podcast[/caption]

The soul travels in and out of the physical body

So, when you talk about the soul it can be right out in front of you. When you sleep at night, supposedly, this, etheric body, can come out the top of your head and can be laying straight over you. And some different men that have written books about leaving their body a lot. They didn't necessarily have spiritual experiences. They just left their body.

Now, I know that they talk about trauma or an auto accident, where your soul body can just come straight out but that's in trauma. Right? They say when that happens your, etheric body, your soul is very confused, because it just got jarred out you can imagine. Right? But the typical way what I've read is that if you die in your bed at night or in the ambulance, if people are clairvoyant, they can see your soul leaving your body through the top of your head and then turns into this beautiful light.

Sometimes they see an angel coming that will take you, sometimes they see your deceased relatives come over to take you. And they're giving you a hand so that you can be lifted.

[caption id="attachment_5322" align="alignnone" width="300"] Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm[/caption]

The soul sticks around for a review after death

Myrna: I heard that was from Dr. Wayne Dwyer. He was not clairvoyant, but he talked about an experience where he was on a beach in Hawaii, and this woman drowned and he was able to see her soul hover above her body. I also heard several places that the soul sticks around for three days. or something like that.

At the core though this is new information to me. I also know about, astral travel, where the mystics can actually leave their body and come back. I do a spiritual warfare prayer that says that you are blocking, astral travel, because people can use that for evil.

So, you're saying that the people that have seen the soul.  Everybody that talks about the other side, whether it's a, near death experience, or your rebirth experience, talks about beauty and love on the other side.

Karen: Well, I think it's easier when we try to understand that we have three metaphysical systems that swirl around us at all times. And the first one is the sensory reality, where you and I are speaking now. Sensory reality that's normal reality we have this second reality is the, Clairvoyant reality. Oh, that is what your soul with anybody that can see your soul body, outside of you is clairvoyant.

Near death experiences: The soul leaving the body

So, when people have a, near death experience, and they go up there and maybe about 20% of them have the spiritual part where they see the flowers and the beautiful music and smell the perfume and everything's wonderful. They usually meet a deceased person, a loved one who tells them it's not your time and you have to come back.

And then they have a lot of pain and depression about that. Carl Jung had a vision in the 1940s. And he called it a vision because there wasn't the term, near death experience, yet. He was in the hospital. He had a heart attack and he left his body and he went out into the universe, and he saw Earth. So, when he describes his pictures of Earth, the descriptions that what the guys who would face when they took pictures of Earth exactly the same thing. He had that kind of everybody has maybe a little different version. I mean, some people have the classic, near-death experience.

Okay, and I what I've learned with the research is, I believe, number one, that the Holy Spirit is in charge of, spiritual experiences, and that your soul determines what kind of, spiritual experience, you're going to have. When you go into this clairvoyant space. Everything is calm and beautiful and loving. You're touching some part of that fourth dimension

Book: The Psychology of the Soul in the Paranormal

My book is called Psychology of the Soul in the Paranormal. Some people have a, near death experience, and the, vagus nerve, becomes bigger because it vibrates. Okay, so when things vibrate, it causes structure to shift. So, then something happens around their ears, they say, and their whole-body shifts. It turns counterclockwise. Then what happens is that this, etheric body, just gets pushed up the, vagus nerve, and at the top of the head.

So this is how the soul leaves the physical body around the ears, whirring noises is heard. This sends out an impulse to change rotation of the body, and the vibration is now getting stronger in that nerve. And this activates the sacrum through the, vagus nerve, in the middle of our sympathetic and parasympathetic sections of the nervous system.

As chemicals are being released. The energy pierces the top, the center of your skull, where the medulla oblongata and the pineal gland open the top sharp, which is where your soft spot used to be. And people usually hear a click in the head area, which results in one's leaving one's body, expanding their consciousness with an out of body or near death. And this bodily energy would be like the energy that powers the orgasmic response.

So, your physical body become shaken down to a molecular level and atomic level activating the, spiritual body, to leave the physical body going up the, vagus nerve, silver cord which is attached at the breastbone because you need that to attach when you leave so that you get oxygen while you're up there flying around. Okay. This magnetic operation depends entirely on the pure effort of the soul using the spirit of, etheric body, through the Highway of the, vagus nerve.

https://youtu.be/o99SFcKo4qU

 

Your life review after death

Myrna: I love the word highway. That's a good word for it.

Karen: Those are according to your research. The soul starts immediately flying around. It takes three days to so leaves because the soul actually goes through a life review where they get a movie of their life from the time they were born until they just died. And that is given to them. From the perspective of the other people. How you treated all these people all in your life.

Myrna: You guys listening, there is accountability. Christianity is supposed to be the day of reckoning.

Karen:  According to the Reverend Dr. Karen Wynn as you die you get this life review and then they say a lot of people have been at their funeral, which is usually more than three days, that while they come back, the, etheric body, comes back because they're still like pretty low. They're a little bit above us. They say they can understand everybody's thought at that funeral, which is gonna be pretty eye opening.

Myrna: We talked about the, vagus nerve, and we talked about spirituality and how the soul leaves the body through the highway. But you also talk about the, vagus nerve, and the, spinal cord. What that connection?

Karen: Yeah, that's all I know about it that and then right around here chakras are in the same place that are invisible. And so the shoppers would be giving the vibration to the, vagus nerve, because they are circles of energy you know, so if you go to a healer, usually when they do that or Reiki they put their hands over you they are unblocking those chakras, because if you have trauma or grief or anger, it blocks those energy centers. And so then that's why you feel better when you leave after one of those here with.

Grandma What is a Soul

Myrna: Tell us about your books. One of them is called “Grandma What is the soul? And then the other one is “Psychology of The Soul and the Paranormal.”  So, talk to us about your books. What made you write the books and what do you want people to walk away with after reading.

Karen: okay, well the first one “You're Not Finished Yet” about people that grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family.  Because a lot of people that live with trauma and alcoholism. They don't believe there is a God just like I did. Because you think it's just too messy down here and you know, we're not the right people, right. So that was my beginning and then the second one was “Grandma, what is the soul” and that was because my last grandchild. When he was five. We were in the car and he said Grandma, I don't want you to die. He sounded afraid. So, so I have a PhD in spiritual psychology. So, I thought, well, I'm gonna be able to handle this one.

So, I said, I said, well, you know, you have to be really old to die. And I'm not really old yet. But you know, when I get to be really old and I die, my soul will come back and watch over you so he said, Grandma, what is the soul?

Myrna: How can listeners pick up copies of your book and connect with you?

Karen: My website is www.KarenEHerrick.com. Social media handle is @karenherrick.

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/how-apply-law-divine-oneness-to-life/

 

How To Transform Your Relationships Using The Power of Now!

  

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share how to use, the power of the now, to change dysfunctional negative relationships into positive ones and how to use the, power of now, to transform your relationships.

Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives, and it's easy to let them get out of control. Today we study Eckhart Tolle's book "The Power of The Now" on how to improve your relationships. By learning how to use the power of now, you'll be able to align yourself with what's really important in your life, and your relationships will start to improve as a result.

Eckhart Tolle says that everything happens in the now. There is only one point of access and it is the now.  And until you access the now, all relationships are deeply flawed. They may seem perfect for a moment when you are in love, but that perfection is lost when disappointment and dissatisfaction set in.  If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most love relationships become love hate relationships.

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Relationships bloom when we access the power of  now

If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most, love relationships, become, love-hate relationships.  

When we don’t access, the power of the now, love can turn to hate with the flick of a switch.  

Sometimes the relationship continues for a while between the polarities of love and hate. It gives you as much pleasure as it gives you pain. 

Some couples get addicted to the drama because it makes them feel alive, but when the negative events occur with increasing frequency, the relationship collapses

Here is some, relationship advice, you may think that if you remove the, negative cycles, then the relationship would flower beautifully, but this is not the case. The polarities are mutually interdependent, you cannot have one without the other. The reason we want to be in the now in our relationships is that you can’t access the, pain body, of what he did to me and then bring it forward and relive the pain.

The, power of the now, means unless the event is happening now, it is in the past.  The reason Eckhart Tolle teaches that the polarities are mutually interdependent is because your pain feed his pain. Your triggers, trigger his triggers.  

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The Power of the now eliminates dysfunctional relationships

The negative side of a relationship is more easily recognized as dysfunctional. It is also easier to recognize the source of negativity in your partner, than to see it for yourself. Negativity and your past pain can show up in many forms in your relationship as: 

• possessiveness,
• jealousy,
• control,
• withdrawal,
• resentment,
• the need to be right,
• insensitivity and self-absorption,
• emotional demand’s,
• manipulation,
• the urge to criticize,
• judge, blame, anger, and unconscious revenge.

Quite a list. None of these things happen in, the now.

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The power of now in love

The positive side can be just as bad.  This is the, power of love. When you are in love, someone needs you, wants you and makes you feel special.  The feelings of being in love can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance.  

You become addicted to the other person; he acts on you like a drug. Even the thought of that person no longer loving you, illicit jealousy, emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing, because of fear of loss.

If the other person does leave you, it can lead to the most intense pain from grief or the most intense hostility. Was this love in the first place or just addictive clinging?  

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Survival relationships can be addictive clinging

Then , survival relationships, comes along.  It seems to meet all your needs, at least that is how it appears at first. You now have a new focal point, the person who defines your identity. The person you are in love with. Your world now has a center again, you are loved.  

Then there becomes a point when your partner fails to meet your needs. The feelings of fear and lack now resurface, they had been covered up by the love relationship. Like any drug, you are on a high until the drug no longer works for you. When the feelings of fear return, you feel them stronger than they were before and you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. You attack your partner and this awakens their own, pain body, and he may counter your attack. Every attack is manipulation to get your partner to change their behavior.  

This is because you refuse to work through your pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever you are addicted to, whether it be alcohol, food, shopping, sex you are using something or someone to cover up your pain.  

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Romantic relationships do not cause unhappiness

That is why there is so much pain and unhappiness in, romantic relationships. Romantic relationships, do not cause pain and unhappiness, they bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.  

Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. 3 failed marriages are a source of awakening more than if you shut yourself off in a room and refuse to engage in a relationship.

The power of the now, must be strong enough so you don’t get taken over by the thinker or the, pain body.  

Bringing, the power of the now, to your relationship means, first you stop judging yourself then you stop judging your partner.  

The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is without needing to judge or change them in any way.  

You are in a, love relationship, if that person feels the same way about you; other than that you are in a relationship with yourself. Don’t let this love turn into a, love- hate relationship, by constantly bringing up the past. Embrace, the power of the now.

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Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/how-single-women-over-40-find-love/