Unlocking the Hidden Dangers of Relying on Your Feelings

 

In this blog post, I'm going to talk about the dangers of relying on your feelings. I think a lot of people rely on their feelings to guide them through life, but this isn't always the best way to go.

This is illustrated in the bible story of Jacob and Essau. In the bible story of Isaac Jacob and Essau. Isaac told Essau to go out and find something wild and cook it the way I like it, then I am going to bless you. But Rebecca, Esau’s mother cooked up a scheme to fool Isaac because he was blind and could not see.

She went into the back yard and killed something that was not wild and cooked it to make it taste like something wild and gave it to Jacob to take to his father. When Jacob told her that his brother was hairy and he had smooth skin. His mother glued animal skin to his arms so he would feel like his brother. This story shows the dangers of relying on your feelings.

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God expects you to do something before he blesses you

As a follow up thought, I want you to know that before God blesses you, you have to do something. He is not going to bless you if you sit on the couch and pray. He is going to tell you to go look for work, go fill out applications. If you are praying for a spouse he is going to tell you to go to the watering hole to find this man. Don’t expect to sit on the couch and this man will knock on your door. God also wants to bless you when you take risks and be wild. Isaac told Essau to go hunting for something wild, cook it the way I like and then I will bless you.

But Rebecca, Esau’s mother cooked up a scheme to fool Isaac because he was blind and could not see. She went into the back yard and killed something that was not wild and cooked it to make it taste like something wild and gave it to Jacob to take to his father. When Jacob told her that his brother was hairy and he had smooth skin.  His mother glued animal skin to his arms so he would feel like his brother.

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Your feelings can lie to you

Which is the lesson for today. Sometimes your feelings lie, so don’t always trust your feelings. Do a deep dive into the situation. Gather all the facts.

Your feelings will convince you they are coming back even though they have clearly moved on.

• Ignore your feelings and trust your spirit
• Your spirit is stronger than your flesh
• Be honest with yourself
• Why are you still with that man? It is because of how he makes you feel.
• You can’t be with somebody just because of how they make you feel
• Jacob felt like his brother, but he didn’t sound like your brother.

When he spoke his father noticed the difference. He said you feel like Jacob but you don’t sound like him.

Don’t get caught up in how that man makes you feel, listen to what he says and how he says it. Because out of the mouth the heart speaks.

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Listen to what people are saying: Don't just trust your feelings

Is he talking about the future or is he talking about himself. You have to watch for the disconnect between the feelings and the voice.

Isaacs realized that the feelings did not match the voice.

Then he became suspicious and asked. How did you get it so quickly? That is how did you go hunting for something wild and cooked it so quickly.

Jacob lied and said I got it this quickly because of God.  God did it. If you do something wild, then that could be your true answer. God did it for me. They told me it was going to take 10 years before I could be a supervisor, but God did it in 3 years.

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God did it for me

They ask me, how did your podcast become #1 in the personal development space? How did you get it so quickly with no celebrity guests on your show?  How did you get it so quickly as an independent podcaster without a team.

My answer I got so quickly because of God and my mother.

My mother wasn’t the perfect mother, but she taught me how to trust God. She showed me how to work hard and to never give up.

I got it so quickly because I was born to do this. I was anointed by God for this job and the devil knows not to mess with me.

In your daily life, your feelings, thoughts, and attitudes are you order form. The currency you pay for your order to the universe is your belief. You have to establish the feelings the condition you want is already present.

https://youtu.be/_EToDPjMzKY

Feelings can be deceiving

Jacob got his blessing by pretending to feel like his brother, but he had to run for his life after that because his brother wanted to kill him.

Isaac could not give Essau his blessing as the first born son because he had already given it to Jacob and he could not take it back. Similarly, when you give yourself to someone because of how they made you feel and then you find out that they tricked you, you can’t take back what you give them already. That is why, never trust your feelings alone, because your feeling can lie to you.

Additional Resources 

https://myhelps.us/how-use-feelings-manifest-dreams/

Becoming Flawesome: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

Kristina Mand-Lakhiani, co founder of Mindvalley, shares how to become flawesome with radical self acceptance. If you’ve ever felt burdened by perfectionism, pressured to be someone you’re not, and driven to live up to other people’s expectations even if it means concealing your true self, then this podcast episode is for you.
In this episode, Kristina talks about the concepts of perfectionism, flawesome, and self-acceptance. She shares with you her journey of self-discovery and how these concepts have helped her to become flawesome!

In her book "Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life"  Kristina guides you through the beautiful process of radical self-acceptance, so you can embrace your flaws, quirks, and scars so find your way back to yourself.

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MindValley startup

Myrna: You are the co-founder of MindValley with Vishen Lakiani.  I love Vishen Lakiani I think that you guys do good work and I know the story because I've gone to several of his webinars and read  his books.   I know the story of how he came about  to start MindValley and his journey. So let's talk about you today, why did you begin this personal development company? What motivated and inspired you?

Kristina: I mean you know whether it's the same as Vishen's or not but what is what is the story behind Mindvalley? That question will require a little bit of a background, so  the founder of Mindvalley is Vishen Lakiani and by the family name Lakiani you might guess we are related.  We used to be married for 16 years, so when Vishen was starting MindValley it was back in 2003.

I had moved to New York, we got married in 2003. I had moved to New York from Europe and I was looking for a job and Vishen had a job and he had a side hustle which became MindValley. I usually say that I ended up in, personal growth, reluctantly and by accident and that's absolutely true. I had nothing better to do but to help Vishen with his side business because he had a full-time job and we depended on his income as a family.

We depended on it so I thought it was the right thing to do, but at that time I would also say, I thought I ended up in, personal growth, reluctantly and obstinately because I was still planning to make my own career somewhere else. I started in the government working in a very different field from, personal growth, so it took years before I accepted my fate.

MindValley is now a top personal growth company

Myrna: I know Vishen's story that his business that he had. I think it was doing websites. You said it was like a, side hustle,  that's amazing that the company for anybody that doesn't know about MindValley it's like a top 10 company in, personal growth, in the world.

Kristina: We have grown yes and we have changed since the beginning since 2003 so definitely it's been quite a journey and yeah we do consider ourselves one of the biggest education companies in personal growth and transformation.

Myrna: All right so then you started in your personal journey and according to your personal growth journey I should say and according to your bio you got to work with some of the greats. I'm in the space you know so I know all these different people I love Michael Beckwick. I love his work. I love Bob Proctor and I don't do a lot with Lisa Nichols because she basically teaches you how to be a professional speaker, but I know that you know she has done very well for herself.

So what is one of the greatest lessons you've learned from Michael Beckwith let's just pick one or if you want to use one of the other ones that's in your bio you know it's so hard to be picking uh like one of the greatest lessons from any of the people.

Lesson of self acceptance from Michael Beckwith

Kristina: I probably learned from Michael Beckwith the lesson that I have learned would be a little bit reversed from what you would expect. I'll give you a situation of course I've heard him speak and I've heard his teachings, but the lesson came in a different shape and form. So I started working in, personal growth, and transformation as an entrepreneur and a marketer initially so I got to know all these people as their partner in the sense because we were helping them to get their word out to to other people.

So I wasn't ever their colleague in the sense that I wasn't one of the authors. It happened much later at some point I re-invented myself and my life and it would be a completely different story, but some five six years ago I started going into becoming an author because I was ready. I had embraced, personal growth, and transformation and it was it was quite a few years ago.

I remember I was going on MindValley Stage and we have a very impressive stage and we had a huge audience probably one of my biggest at that time and I was following Michael Beckwith and a few other people and I remember being completely terrified because I felt, who am I to go on stage after all those people?  I do actually mention Michael Beckwith in that story because he is such an energetic and such a strong speaker that when you listen to him you're hooked. you're just there and I have a very different style, so I remember going on stage and having this huge impostor syndrome thinking how can I compare.

From impostor syndrome to self acceptance

I can never be as good as Michael Beckwith speaking. I can never be as good as another speaker who was there who had built a massive company. I could never be as good as another speaker there who had written a bestselling book and was super famous. I was comparing myself faster and faster to all those great people and feeling smaller and smaller and smaller until I remembered the words of a friend of mine who said we are so hooked on the idea that we have this one talent that we are forgetting that we are multi-talented.

That actually helped me to suddenly realize that it is not in this one thing where I have to be the best in the world, but in the unique combination of things that make me who I am. That's where probably the biggest value that I have for the world. Michael Beckwith was one person who taught me, self acceptance. There are people who are so much better, so much more accomplished than me in every single area, if I take them separately, but what gives me value is the combination of my works, of my unique features of the things that maybe I am ashamed of. That combination is what gives me my unique value and what gives me the right to be on stage with all those wonderful people.

Lisa Nichols helped me become Flawesome

Myrna: Lisa Nichols is a powerful speaker. I saw her quite recently, she's awesome, but what I just love what you just said is that we all have this inferiority complex because you know we think that someone is is better than us but I love what he says that our combination is what makes us unique.

Kristina: We often think that our lessons come in very clear messages and of course Michael doesn't teach that. He teaches, self acceptance, that is what I learned from that interaction and that's interesting. You know Lisa Nichols for example, she's wonderful in so many ways and she actually has taught me public speaking one-on-one including, self acceptance, of my accent and flaws.

She's such a wonderful human being but the one thing I learned from her is one this is one saying that she occasionally says in some of her speeches.

The world has no need for your perfection

Conscious uncoupling after divorce

Myrna: So let's talk about you, back to you now and some of the things that you bring to the table. One of the things you talk about is, hacking happiness, after, conscious uncoupling.  You were married to Vishen for 16 years that's a long time, in fact that's how long I've been married to my current husband 16 years. you're talking about, conscious uncoupling, hacking happiness.

Kristina: Well, conscious uncoupling, is actually a term coined by another of Mindvalley authors  Catherine Woodward Thomas

For me and Vishen it was just a journey we chose to take when we decided to separate. Vishen had known Catherine by then and he had known about this concept so we did follow her teachings to a degree, but I think any kind of relationship is a product of these two people. So you can learn from other person how to be a good parent, how to have a happy marriage.

I think that every couple that uncouples consciously and couples according to Catherine Woodward Thomas has their own story and the other examples that I've seen. I don't normally talk about relationships because it's not my forte. I do talk about, hacking happiness, although not connected to uncoupling per se.

Hacking happiness: conscious uncoupling

I talk about, hacking happiness, as a choice, as a trainable skill as maybe a habit which is very contrary to a lot of ideas. I like to talk about happiness especially to very skeptical people because they always make you see things in a new light in a way.   I do talk about happiness, but not in relation to uncoupling because I think in that aspect I'm still in the process. I mean we uncoupled four years ago and you might say that it's long enough time, but we are in each other's life's a lot we grow children together.

We still have business together, we are friends, we do a lot of things together, so I think as long as we have each other in each other's life it will be a constantly evolving relationship.

Myrna: Well at least you parted amicably.  What I know about relationships is it's very hard to, consciously uncouple, because it's either you did something that hurt me and I don't want anything to do with you.   It's very hard to say we are better separate than we are together and we're gonna, consciously uncouple, and put our kids first.  That term , consciously uncoupling, has become popular because you know the word that I heard before was, co-parenting.

Kristina:  I would strongly recommend studying Catherine Thomas because she has the experience, she's a psychotherapist who has been working with couples focusing on relationships.   We do need to re-imagine the end of relationships.  We have such a rigid approach to that relationship is only a success if it lasts, but that's not the case.  We have all witnessed relationships that maybe lasts a really long time but it's dead inside.

Catherine suggests and I really love this idea is why don't we judge the successful relationship not by the length of a relationship but by the extent that both people have maybe evolved or created things together.

Hacking Happiness: The Art of becoming Flawesome

Myrna: you also talk about how can we live by our own rules and walk in our fruit and um you know that's basically our topic today, hacking happiness, and the Art of becoming flawsome. Tell us what that word means because I'm putting my own interpretation to it.

Kristina: I'm very reluctant to give definition of the word flawesome even in my book. My editor insisted that I have to add it.   My book well it's called Becoming flawesome.  It is  a book about,  self acceptance, and finding your way back to you.  Our flaws is just this necessary condition because when you find your way back to you, you will discover that probably you're not that picture of perfection that you have been drawing in your head and aspiring for.

Become flawesome by accepting your flaws and practicing, self acceptance.  Becoming  flawesome is a personal experience and you are absolutely right it's about embracing your flaws and being okay with them. It's embracing your flaws, it's learning to not just accept, but love yourself with your flaws, and maybe not even with the flaws, but because of them.  Because every single facet of you makes you unique.

Even those things that you maybe are feeling ashamed about or don't want to show to the world they are a part of you that makes you uniquely you and if you have the courage to go further and deeper, it is about about finding strengths in the things that you might have considered your flaws choosing them to become your blessing rather than your curse.

Conclusion: Your self acceptance journey

Yes as you were talking you know a lot of women including me.

Myrna: Let's talk about your book, how did you come up with that title and what is it that you want the um readers to walk away?

Kristina:  I hope that this book is going to be a companion on the journey back to you for every single reader. However many readers I'm going to get, that's how many destinations this book will have. I don't teach people, I don't believe in teaching, I believe transformation happens when people are ready and who am I to teach anyone, but I am a companion, I have been through this journey. I ask a lot of questions. I hold the hand, so I do believe and hope that this book is everybody's individual unique journey back to,  self acceptance.

Myrna; How can our audience get a copy of your book and connect with you on social media.  Let us know your website and your Instagram or your social media handles.

Kristina: My name is a little complicated, but the rest is easy so my name is Kristina Mand-Lakiani my website is www.kristinamand.com and then the book is slash book so it's super easy.  My handle for all all the social media Instagram Facebook is the same https://www.instagram.com/kristinamand/

Additional Resources

https://youtu.be/hTQOCoWTU7Q

https://myhelps.us/how-be-happy-happiness-recipe/

The Complex Impact of Father Absence

 

As we approach Father’s Day, I wanted to talk about, father absence. I was inspired to talk about this from an article I read from relationship coach Andre Paradis. He shared some disturbing, father absence statistics, and the, causal effects of, father absence, and, black father absence.

Back in the 60’s, 5% of white women, 15% of Latinas, and 20% of black women were single mothers. Fast forward 40 years later Now, 20% of white women, 55% of Latinas and 70% of black women are single mothers. Those are scary numbers. The causal effects of, father absence, is that 70% of criminals in jail come from, single-mom households? 90% of all inmates are males, fatherless males.

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Black father absence

As a black woman I empathize with my black sisters who are raising their children without fathers.

As a relationship coach Andre feels the reason for, father absence, is because women are not able to create healthy bonds with men so they leave. Also, the role of a father is to provide and protect his family and now the women have become the providers and protectors. No wonder women have lost their, feminine traits, and men run around calling us, masculine women.

Problem is Andre says, is women can’t raise men. I know they say that we only raise cattle not kids, but that is the only word we know.

Single family homes or to be specific, single mom homes, are creating kids who are not contributing members to society.

70% of criminals in jail come from, single-mom households. 90% of all inmates are males, fatherless males.

Without a father present, boys don’t learn to develop some very basic male traits like integrity, accountability, sacrifice, character-building choices, appropriate use of force, how to provide or protect, etc. Only men can teach young men how to become good men.

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 Father absence creates soft men

He says women don’t have these traits built in. Women pass on connection, tenderness, being kind, sweet and loving, being passive, sharing instead of competing, etc. The problem is that raising boys to be sweet girls doesn’t make them sweet boys; it makes them emotional, and weak. Not able to provide or protect a family.

Masculine men, who had a father as a role model, control their tempers and do what needs to be done regardless of how they “feel” about it. They protect women, children, animals, and the weak, because they’ve built up their character and know that they are valuable and capable. Weak, sweet, soft men DON’T! Boys need Men to show them the right way and the honorable way.

Women can’t do this for boys. They have a whole different set of innate values and characteristics.

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Father absence makes girls look for love in all the wrong places

But boys are not the only ones who need a father, girls needs a daddy for two very important reasons.

• First, she needs her dad to be the first man to love and protect her. This builds her trust in men. Girls who grow up without a father’s love go looking for love in all the wrong places.
• Secondly, young girls who are raised without fathers have NO idea what a “daddy” (father role-model) looks like and does in life. Without daddy energy in the house or around her, a young woman sees her mom become the provider and protector and she in turn becomes a, masculine woman, which takes away her femininity, vulnerability and ability to trust anyone… especially men.

So, ladies your children need their fathers. Do whatever you can to encourage a relationship with their fathers even if he does not support them financially. A father’s love is priceless.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Your kids need you.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

https://youtu.be/d6m4SCADMaY

Additional resources

https://myhelps.us/how-single-women-over-40-find-love/