Monday, February 20, 2023

Can Chemical Hair Relaxers Cause Cancer?




Women who use hair straighteners and chemical hair relaxers may have a higher risk of uterine cancer, according to a new study from researchers at the US National Institutes of Health (NIH). The study findings were published on October 17, 2022, in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute. They are now able to file toxic exposure claims against the manufacturers of these products.

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Toxic exposure personal injury claims

My guest today is Jennifer Poole is the Director of Marketing at the California Law Firm of Nadrich & Cohen. Nadrich & Cohen was founded in 1990 and has since expanded to 14 offices throughout California. The firm handles all types of injury, defective product, and toxic exposure claims on behalf of individuals and their families.

Ms. Poole has worked at the law firm since 2009 right after she graduated from Hofstra Law. She has quite literally lived from coast-to-coast and calls Los Angeles home.

Myrna: As a black woman I have used, hair straitening products, for over 30 years. I don't use them a lot now because, I started wearing wigs and weaving my hair, but normally, the black population wants straighter hair. Relaxing black curly hair makes it easier for us to handle. In the 60’s even the men relaxed their hair, we go back to movies like Malcolm X, and see him using hair, straightening products called conk. Can you tell what is the data that says these products cause cancer.

I'm not sure if Caucasian people use, hair straighteners, or it predominantly used in the, black community?

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Hair relaxers called hair straighteners called perms

Jennifer: Yes, I would say so. We've used you know, several different terms to describe these products. So, you know, hair relaxers, and, hair straighteners, and we've even had a couple of clients that refer to it as a, perm, of sorts. But these products are predominately used in the, black community.

Myrna: Yes the Caucasian population used, perms, to curl up the hair. So, talk to us about that was the link to, uterine cancer.  I guess we're doing a total Erin Brockovich here.

Jennifer: Yes, Erin Brockovich was a fantastic film. And also, before I launch into it, you mentioned, Malcolm X, and when we started this project, I immediately thought of that film, with Denzel Washington, sitting in the chair, and just how awfully painful that was to try to straighten his hair.

Myrna:  I thought of this film myself even though I have gone through the same pain straightening my own hair.

Jennifer: And on a side note, do you know what also came up? I thought about a book that I read in college, which was Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye, and we all love it too. Right? And we always want something that we don't have!  I have straight hair, my mom permed my hair, so it could become curly.

I remember sitting in the beauty shop and I go in with my hair, one length and I come out with it three inches shorter because of the curls. We all want what we don't have. You know, there's some truth to that certainly, but back to your question.

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Studies that link hair relaxers to uterine cancer

There are studies which have linked a 2.5 times increased risk of developing, uterine cancer, among those that use, hair relaxer products. And so, as you can well imagine, that primarily affects black and brown populations. That's who use these products. And so, there's also linkage to, ovarian cancer, and, endometrial cancer, and less severe but still painful, uterine fibroids. We can make a claim if the, uterine fibroids, resulted in surgery like, hysterectomy

Myrna: That is terrible, I've heard I had heard rumors of this for a while now. When I say rumors, you know that we're talking social media. But, now that we're getting data, it's not it's not hearsay anymore. So, what are the products that that are causing these, uterine cancers, that is in these, hair relaxers, products? There are the new, hair relaxers, that are “No LYE”. Are these the safer products?

Jennifer: Well, there's all kinds of chemicals which have been found in these types of products, even including Brazilian blowouts, including formaldehyde, you can think about that. There are so many chemicals that are toxic, that are used in these products. And, you know, the variety of brands, certainly people that have the market share. I think everyone's familiar with Dark and Lovely, right. It's a huge brand. And so, with these products manufacturers continued to add these chemicals.

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There are no natural chemical relaxers

A lot of hair relaxers products, are coming to market that are more quote unquote natural. Even still, I'm not saying they have the same toxic chemicals, but they're still not natural. They carry a lot of toxic chemicals.  One of the things that I'd like to mention is you know, the FDA doesn't test these products before going to market, yet they are in charge of policing, hair products.

The goal is of this litigation is to affect change. That's always what we try to do. Where a governmental agency fails us, the legal team’s step in a try to right wrongs, but be also affect long lasting change. And we've seen it time and again. And so that's always the goal with this type of litigation.

Myrna: Yeah, that's great. So, a lot of times things start from one person, like the Erin Brockovich film, she saw something unusual so she investigated it. So, is this lawsuit going on now because someone has won a case and now everybody is filing claims? Was somebody able to connect, hair relaxer products, with, uterine cancer, and win a large settlement?

Jennifer: Let me explain a little bit about how the process works. There's something called, multi district litigation, and it's called MDL in legal parlance, and what happens is you'll have a new case type like, hair relaxers. There are no cases that have been won as of yet. But what happens is lawyers start taking on cases and then there will be what are called Bellwether trials, and I always compare those to you go out to the pool, you want to see if it's warm, you dip your foot in there.

And then based on how those Bellwether trials go, then that can often bring the defendants of these, hair relaxer manufacturers, to the negotiating table. And that's really kind of the process and I do want to clarify for your readers, that this is  not a class action suit.

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This is not a class action lawsuit

A class action suit is you know, we all get those postcards in the mail. You've been overcharged for phone service, and guess what you're gonna get a nickel.  Yeah, or even worse, you had a bad experience with the business, they're gonna offer you a credit or a gift card so you can go back and use their services. But people take a very cynical view of class actions, but this litigation is different. Again, it's, multi district litigation. And the reason that exists is there are not enough courtrooms in America to allow for a trial for each and every case there's just not.

So, what happens is both parties come together, and they come up with some ground rules. Some rules for discovery, and how things will proceed. And that just streamlines the process. So that's actually beneficial for plaintiffs in litigations these because it speeds it along, allows them to see a settlement, sooner rather than later. I just I wanted to clarify that process a little bit. So no, there have not been any trials as of yet. It's really more what's prompting this litigation to move forward. Our studies, that have come out, science is improving all the time. And we learned about new things that we thought were safe.

Myrna: That's it. Yeah, that's why it's often somebody identified that those products cause, uterine cancer, and now they've just got to put it together. I know that 90% of black women have used, hair relaxers, at one point in their life and if they are reading this and have been diagnosed with, uterine cancer, ovarian cancer, or uterine fibroids, that they will contact you and get a claim going.

Myrna: So your company are helping you know women and men, I'm assuming only women because it's, uterine cancer. So your Law Firm is helping women submit claims. So how can someone reading this blog,  if they have realistic claim for any of the illnesses we mentioned contact you.  What is the first step, what do they do?

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How to start the claim process

Jennifer: We do represent some men who they're unfortunately widowers, they lost their wife to, uterine cancer. And also, of course,  male children. We do represent them as well. But yes, we primarily work with women, the client base is female, and we are accepting cases with, uterine cancer, diagnosis. Ovarian cancer, endometrial cancer, and then lastly, certain, uterine fibroid, cases where there's actually surgical intervention. If it requires a surgery, it's a little more invasive than some of the other, uterine fibroid, treatments but that's for us to make a decision on on a case by case basis.

So if one of your readers was thinking that they may qualify, the first step would be to reach out to us or another law firm and request that free consultation because in this industry,  I always say we give every man and every woman keys to the courthouse and how do we do that? Contingency fees? We don't collect a fee unless a recovery is made. Because let me tell you, if we had to charge up front, we wouldn't have any clients.

So many people in this country live paycheck to paycheck. So this model of representation, gives everybody an equal playing field and keys to the courthouse; so that would really be the first step. Is to reach out to us or another law firm and and get the free consultation and find out if you qualify,

[caption id="attachment_2341" align="alignnone" width="300"]Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast Podbean[/caption]

Filing a claim for toxic exposure from Hair Relaxers and Hair Straightening Products

We would ask a really a series of questions. We have to get medical records, documents confirming the, uterine cancer, diagnosis sometimes, or, ovarian cancer, or, uterine fibroid, diagnosis. Sometimes, clients have those documents readily available, most don't. And so that's the process.  If they hire us then we would request the medical records that document all of the treatment that they had to have, that obviously adds value to the claimants, chemo is not fun.

Myrna: How do you make the connection between the, uterine cancer, and the chemical hair relaxers product?

Jennifer: Oh, yes. We would ask them to give us the history of hair relaxers product use. If they can remember the products, because there are so many out there. We asked about about 20 different products, that have the lion's share of the market. Assuredly, they used at least one of them.

And then typically, women will use these hair relaxers  about four plus times a year, that increases the exposure and therefore, our ability to link  the hair relaxer product to cancer. But it's true, possibly signing an affidavit stating that yes, I use this product.  I used it this many times a year. Kind of documenting that way. Haven't had it yet, but in other litigations, people will still had product packaging around the house. We have an evidence locker here that stores those products.  I have not had that happen yet in this litigation. I think by nature of the product, you use it and throw it out.

Myrna: Well, you can be still using it to be quite honest. But yeah, one of the things about, hair relaxers, is that once you open it, it loses its potency so you have to throw it out. But black women can be listening to this interview right now who are still using chemical hair relaxers because they weren't aware that there was anything wrong with them. Very few women go around with their natural hair. It's a very small percentage, so they're still using it.

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How to connect with Nadrich & Cohen Personal Injury Lawyers

So, probably the best way would be to call me and that is 1-800-718-4658. You could also email me JPoole@ personalinjurylawcal.com.  You can also head over to www.personalinjurylawcal.com. We have multiple blog posts, pages, lots of information there.

https://youtu.be/sTHCdpta80Y

Additional Resources 

Chapter 2-0700 Establishing Toxic Substance Exposure

https://www.dol.gov/agencies/owcp/energy/regs/compliance/PolicyandProcedures/proceduremanualhtml/unifiedpm/Unifiedpm_part2/Chapter2-0700ToxicSubstanceExposure

 

Thursday, February 9, 2023

Black History Month: Toni Morrison and The Black Female Experience




This Black History month, I would like to feature Toni Morrison, for her literary excellence. Toni Morrison is a Nobel Prize Winner, a Pulitzer Prize winner, and awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom.  Morrison is an American writer noted for her examination of Black experience (particularly Black female experience) within the Black community. Let's take a moment to honor this literary genius this, black history month.

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Toni Morrison for Black History month

Toni Morrison, original name Chloe Anthony Wofford, (born February 18, 1931, Lorain, Ohio, U.S.—died August 5, 2019, Bronx, New York), American writer noted for her examination of Black experience (particularly Black female experience) within the Black community. She received the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1993.

Morrison grew up in the American Midwest in a family that possessed an intense love of and appreciation for, Black culture. Storytelling, songs, and folktales were a deeply formative part of her childhood. She attended Howard University (B.A., 1953) and Cornell University (M.A., 1955). In 1965 Morrison became a fiction editor at Random House, where she worked for a number of years.

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Toni Morrison The Bluest Eyes

Morrison’s first book, The Bluest Eye (1970), is a novel of initiation concerning a victimized adolescent Black girl who is obsessed by white standards of beauty and longs to have blue eyes. This book was my introduction to Toni Morrison.  I loved this book.  I loved the character, how Morrison showed a poor black girl struggling not only with her looks but with becoming a young lady, and wanting to be beautiful like her white blue eye dolls. At the time when I read this book a lot of black women were putting in blue contact lenses including my daughter.  This book really brought it home and allowed black women to start loving our skin, eyes, hair and black features.

In 1973 a second novel, Sula, was published; it examines (among other issues) the dynamics of friendship and the expectations for conformity within the Black community.

Song of Solomon (1977) is told by a male narrator in search of his identity; its publication brought Morrison to national attention. Tar Baby (1981), set on a Caribbean island, explores conflicts of race, class, and sex.

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Toni Morrison's Beloved

Toni Morrison became mainstream with her critically acclaimed book called Beloved (1987), which won a Pulitzer Prize for fiction, is based on the true story of a runaway slave who, at the point of recapture, kills her infant daughter in order to spare her a life of slavery. A film adaptation of the novel was released in 1998 and starred Oprah Winfrey. The again was powerful for me. The character of Beloved was played to perfection by Thandiwe Newton and showcases how Sethe’s guilt,  played by Oprah Winfrey can reincarnate and haunt us in this life.

In 1992 Morrison released Jazz, a story of violence and passion set in New York City’s Harlem during the 1920s. Subsequent novels were Paradise (1998), a richly detailed portrait of a Black utopian community in Oklahoma, and Love (2003), an intricate family story that reveals the myriad facets of love and its ostensible opposite. A Mercy (2008) deals with slavery in 17th-century America. In the redemptive Home (2012), a traumatized Korean War veteran encounters racism after returning home and later overcomes apathy to rescue his sister. In God Help the Child (2015), Morrison chronicled the ramifications of child abuse and neglect through the tale of Bride, a Black girl with dark skin who is born to light-skinned parents.

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Toni Morrison and the Black American Experience

It is great to showcase Toni Morrison's work for, Black History month, because The central theme of Morrison’s novels is the, Black American experience; in an unjust society, her characters struggle to find themselves and their cultural identity. Her use of fantasy, her sinuous poetic style, and her rich interweaving of the mythic gave her stories great strength and texture. In 2010 Morrison was made an officer of the French Legion of Honour. Two years later she was awarded the U.S. Presidential Medal of FreedomToni Morrison: The Pieces I Am (2019) is a documentary about her life and career.

https://youtu.be/DvckzHpsoS0

Additional Resources

Sunday, February 5, 2023

How To Use Yoga and Meditation to Get Peak Performance

 


For peak performance, I teach all of my clients a bunch of tools. I always teach them, meditation, I always teach them, breath work, I teach them that they should stretch and strengthen. So that means doing something like, yoga, Qi Gong, and then weight training or something that's actually going to improve their muscles.  In addition to these tools, I teach them a morning routine and the evening routine.

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Bio

Kerry is peak performance coach. Kerry was raising a family and working as an attorney when she began a daily yoga practice. She immediately noticed that yoga was the perfect antidote to her hectic lifestyle. Initially interested in yoga as a physical practice that made her feel good in her body, Kerry soon realized yoga was a lot more than that. She decided to take a teacher training and immediately began teaching. Kerry eventually left her law career and began to focus on teaching and coaching full time.

Kerry’s mission is to help others find a more balanced and fulfilled life. She believes in action and has created a system that is easy to implement so that people can create change quickly. She coaches corporate clients and elite athletes in mindset and peak performance techniques and creates tailored programs for private clients who are seeking mastery in all areas of their lives.

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Becoming a peak performance coach

Myrna: Tell us your back story? Your story sounds like Robin Sharma’s in the The Monk who Sold he Ferrari.

Kerry: Absolutely. And by the way, that's one of my favorite books, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari. I read that book so many years ago and that was one of the books that changed my life. Even before I went into this wellness space, that's such a great book. And it really shows you that at any point in your life, you really can change and move into a different space if you want.

So, for me, I felt like my life was going great. I had a good career. I had my children; I had a nice house. Everything was great, but didn't feel great to be honest with you. And I had this experience where we were on a vacation hiking in the woods, and we came to this clearing in the woods.  It's like trees in a circle, pine needles on the ground and the sun was just coming in to the center of the circle. So, I walked into the center of the circle in the sun and when the hit me, I had this crazy moment.

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All my dreams came through but I wasn't fulfilled

I flashbacked to the Kerry I was when I was 20 and back then I used to spend a lot of time in nature.  The flashback I had was it me sitting with my journal it in all my hopes and dreams. When I was a 20 year old young woman, I wanted to have a career, I wanted to have a beautiful family, I wanted to have a husband that loved me and supported what I wanted to do and I could support him. I wanted a beautiful house; I wanted to travel and adventure. I realized that I had achieved all my dreams. But what happened in the next instant was I realized that even though I had everything I wanted, I really wasn't happy and I didn't feel fulfilled.

Myrna: And why was that?

Kerry: Because I think it was on autopilot, right? And I started to think like where did those dreams come from? And I started to understand that a lot of those dreams came from outside of me. My society, my parents, my teachers. I'm a people pleaser. I want to please people; I want to be impressive. So, I went back to my hotel room and I wrote another whole list of all my hopes and dreams and they were things like, start teaching. I had always studied, personal growth.

So, the book you mentioned, I had read that probably when I was 20 or 25 right around that same time. And I had been studying, personal transformation, philosophy for many, many years. So, I was like, you know I'd really like to teach people some of the things I learned. I'd like to be an author, and I'd like to be a speaker and I was writing all these things down. So that's all well and good. I get home from the vacation, lose the piece of paper or maybe it was my journal that I wrote it in, and I forgot all about it.

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The creation of the morning routine

Then one day my alarm rang. I hit the snooze button, but instead of going back to sleep, which I usually did, and Myrna I would usually do that like a few times back-to-back, so I usually started my day racing around being a lunatic trying to get everything done on time.  Get the kids out the door, get myself out the door. But on this day, instead of going back to sleep, I just sat up in my bed and I meditated for 5 mins.  I was just observing the thoughts.

That night I was in my bed with my husband and I said, you know, I had such a great day. And he's like, did you do anything different today? I told him what I had done and had gotten up and meditated for five minutes. And he said, Oh, that's so cool. I'm gonna try it tomorrow. So, we tried it the next day. And sure enough, at the end of the day, he was like, that was amazing. I had such a great day. So, we both started doing a, morning routine and, eventually I started teaching this, morning routine meditation, to my students.

The first thing I noticed when I started teaching, yoga, was that yoga,  is a lifestyle and it really encompasses everything.

  • The way you live in this world,
  • The way you're thinking,
  • The way you're eating
  • The way you function in general,
  • The way you treat other people,
  • The way you treat yourself.

The timeless principles of morning routine meditation.

So, I said I would love to teach, yoga, and, meditation, to lawyers, business people and doctors.’ People who wouldn't normally do it because honestly professional people, they are like, I don't know about, meditation, they get a little nervous when you start using any of the lingo. So, I started to study the mind. And what I realized was you take those Eastern practices like ,yoga, meditation, and, breath work, and then you marry them to the science, which is all about how the brain works. so, I didn't call it, meditation, but I just said this is a stress relief exercise.

I created this whole one hour, morning routine, and for me, I started to understand how important it was not only to create this, morning routine, but to tailor it to my lifestyle. So, for my husband, he started with half an hour, morning routine. I have an hour, but I always have as my base as my minimum five-minute, morning routine.

So, basically this whole, snooze button routine, that I came up with is for you to use as you need.  In my book, the snooze button sessions, I show you 12 different things you can do for, morning meditation, breathwork, exercises yoga or stretching, and journaling. There are so many different things, but then you choose which one of those things or what combination of those things you use. So sometimes I'll break it up. Robin Sharma actually suggests not to do it the way I do it, which is you know, hitting the snooze every time and then moving to a new routine.

[caption id="attachment_1749" align="alignnone" width="225"]  Transform your Mind Stitcher[/caption]

Achieve peak performance with a 20/20/20 morning routine

For peak performance during the day, start your day with a 20/20/20 morning routine. 20 minutes of spiritual growth meditation,  20 minutes of learning like reading a book, and 20 mins of exercise. You can do whatever works for you, and that's what I advocate. I advocate for you learning the tools, figuring out what works for you, and even adding something you might like that I never even thought about. The reason this system works is because it's a thing called, habit stacking.

When people make their New Year's resolutions then do them for a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a couple of months then stop? It's because the goal is not linked to anything. That is why I love doing, habit stacking, and starting with this, morning routine.  I believe that not only learning tools that will relax you and keep you in, ease and flow, but improve your health as well. These little changes can have massive effects and that's really what I advocate.

Myrna: You're seeing that a, morning routine, helps your clients achieve, peak performance, as well as, ease and flow. What else is the science behind it?

[caption id="attachment_2341" align="alignnone" width="300"]Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast Podbean[/caption]

The function of the brain is to keep you alive

Kerry: Well, basically, the way your brain works is that your brain is designed to keep you alive. We are using all of our senses, our sight, our hearing our smell, or touch or taste. All of our senses are really designed just to take in information from the outside world. It goes to your brain, your brain processes it, the only thing your brain is really looking for is what is a danger?

Our brain actually filters out a ton of information that is actually right before our eyes, we don't even see it. So, our brain is just looking for those negative things. So, when we're talking about any of these practices, when we're talking about creating a, morning routine, when we're talking about meditating or doing anything that's outside of what we would normally do, we're actually rewiring our brain and we're teaching our brain to behave differently.

Let’s say someone is driving really slow in front of me. I'm late for work. I start to get angry and stressed. My brain immediately goes into flight or fight mode. It registers it the same as it would if there was a lion in front of you. Your brain will react to a minor inconvenience like that the same as it would react to a terrible danger. Our brain either is like danger or no danger. It's not like really degrees of it.

So, we really want to learn first of all that awareness piece. First you need to notice that you are getting angrier and angrier, I could start cursing out the person in front of me, or I could have some awareness and say, Oh, my body's reacting. All these chemicals are starting to flood my body, cortisol, a stress hormone and a lot of other things to get you ready to run.  Adrenaline is flowing. But then you have your tools. You can turn the radio on and listen to a song. You could say to yourself. I'm running late, that's fine.

[caption id="attachment_3955" align="alignnone" width="208"]Google Podcast Transform Your Mind Google Podcast Transform Your Mind[/caption]

Meditation and breath work reduces stress

You could even just do some, breath work, sitting in your car. You can call somebody and chat with someone and you know, say to them look, I'm feeling stressed.  You can listen to music or a book on tape or a podcast anything to signal to your brain, I'm not in danger. Now I'm going to take that time when I would have normally been angry or fuming even getting myself more and more worked up so that I arrive at work, not in a good place. And what happens then you get to work and now you're complaining to everyone and you're not the person you want to be.

Myrna: How do you help your clients solve this problem? Are your classes about, peak performance, or about a, morning routine?

Kerry: So, when I first start working with someone, I like to look at every area of their life so we go through everything, their social life, their love relationship, their parenting if they're a parent, their career and finances and really survey all of the areas of their life. And what I find is people are really excelling in one area and then in a lot of the other areas, they haven't even looked at it. So then once we know that, what area could improve, we start with that.

I personally believe that health should be a priority for you, focusing in on your health could really be a game changer for everybody. And again, I start small, five minutes, go take a walk after lunch, just do some jumping jacks, get up in the morning and do a very quick five-minute, morning routine stretch. Just start to bring more activity into your life and start to really care about your health, care about what you're eating.

[caption id="attachment_4373" align="alignnone" width="220"]Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora[/caption]

Our health is the stop on the peak performance chart

We can't have, peak performance, without our health. It doesn't always have to be health, though every person kind of knows once we go through all the categories which area they really need to work on. Some people need to work on finances. So, when you survey your whole entire life, all the categories of your life, your intellectual life, your emotional life, we all have certain areas that we're like, that's the one I need to work on.

So, I basically teach all of my clients a bunch of tools I always teach them, meditation, I always teach them, breath work, I teach them that they should stretch and strengthen. So that means doing something like, yoga, Qi Gong, and then something like weight training or something that's actually going to improve your muscles. And you know, I have all these little things that I teach them the morning routine and the evening routine.

All of my clients have at least a five-minute, morning routine, and a five minute, evening routine, without your cell phone. Just something you're doing for yourself. And I always say to people if you can make it longer than five minutes, try 15 minutes morning and 15 minutes at night or even longer, depending on your life circumstances.  Setting yourself up for success and having the tools to fall back on when you fall down. It's something I think in the wellness world people don't talk about as much.

Myrna: Are you still teaching yoga just for the stretches? Tell us about that.

[caption id="attachment_4490" align="alignnone" width="297"]Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast[/caption]

Yoga as a peak performance tool

Kerry: I had stopped teaching yoga during the pandemic because I did not like teaching it online. So, then I started teaching, breathwork workshops, and all these different workshops on, peak performance, in the yoga studios. I would do that as a weekend workshop.  I'm not teaching, yoga, although I started going to, yoga, again as a student, which is so nice to be back in a yoga studio. I really am not going to tell anyone I'm a, yoga teacher.

If you have back pain, how to relieve back pain? Yoga. I'll tell you I have this little routine I taught my husband on his hands and knees for his spine. He was having terrible back problems. So, every day for five minutes, he would just do this simple routine, and it completely healed his problem.  I always advocate to everybody move your spine in every direction every day. So forward and back, side to side, and then in a circle either direction because that's what's going to keep your spine limber and that's what helps you stay youthful.

Myrna: That is great. I do the same thing with the Sun Salutation movements. I learned about the sun salutation a long time ago. It’s in my memory and I can actually go through those poses without even thinking about it.

Kerry: The absolutely works. And the reason it works, by the way is because it's exactly what I said. It goes through all the motions. So, you're moving all of your joints, you know, in every direction. And I don't even think it would take five minutes to do three of them.

[caption id="attachment_6690" align="alignnone" width="300"]book Snooze button sessions Book: Snooze Button Sessions[/caption]

Conclusion

Myrna: How they connect with you?

Kerry: Thank you. You can find me at KerryFishercoaching.com. I am on Instagram@ IamKerryFisher. I handle my own Instagram and I love getting messages from people. You could find my books on Amazon. One is on that

Tools for Extraordinary Living: The Snooze Button Sessions

My second one is called Routines for Extraordinary Living in these two books you will find so many tools and tests that will help you. I have them right now both on Amazon for 99 cents for the eBook version. So I would love for you to check it out.

https://youtu.be/pO54JFDwpLo

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/fluid-mindset-vs-fixed-mindset/

Sunday, January 29, 2023

What is Love? What are we doing Wrong




  What is love? Love doesn't require us to build a deep connection. We fall in love with babies all the time. We don't need a deep connection with them. They don't even have to reciprocate.  I think we have to let go of the old idea that I have to be somebody or do something in order to realize this love that's already here.

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Bio Humble the Poet on Love

The truth is, we all want love. Everything we do is in pursuit of it. But as we count likes on social media and measure our worth by the numbers in our bank accounts, we are programmed to see love as something to earn or win. That programming obscures the simple truth behind what we are: beautiful, infinite, eternal sources of love.

For Humble the Poet, the concept of love has been a decade-long curiosity. What began as reciting spoken-word poetry in coffee shops to impress girls, evolved into a creative adventure that has spanned the last 10 years, crossing genres, mediums, and oceans. In How To Be Love(d), the former elementary school teacher turned rapper, spoken-word artist, poet, and international bestselling author teaches his fans that instead of seeking to be loved by the world, we must be love.

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What is love? what are we doing wrong

Myrna: Wat are most of us doing wrong when it comes to love?

Humble: I think we believe that we have to, find love. And then we have to qualify for, love. And none of that's the case. I think we need to stop telling people you're worthy of love, and you're enough for love. Love is constant, it's always there. And what we actually need to do is just clear away the clutter to realize we don't have to do anything magical or specific to, earn love, and have, love, find us. It's the breeze, we just have to open up our sails to catch up.

Myrna: I love that. So, we've got different kinds of love. So, we've got God’s love, which is always everlasting. Then we've got, parental love, which is always everlasting.  But, romantic love, where you know a man meets girl or Girl Meets Boy kind of thing. We feel that we have to earn, romantic love, love is it's an energy, right? It's a spirit. So, is that why you're saying we don't need to earn, love?

Humble: Yeah, I wouldn't even differentiate. I think instead of saying there's, there's, God’s love, there's parental love, there's, romantic love. I would say there's, pathways of love. So, the permanence of the pathway between us and the Almighty. And permanence is the, pathway of love, between us and our parents. Now when we create new relationships, we're building a pathway and that's why those pathways are less shaky. So, if I meet someone for the first time, we're beginning to create a path for love the, energy of love, to flow between us, right? It's not the love that is temporary. It's the path that's temporary.

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Love's pathways needs maintenance

So, what is love, it depends on your, pathway to love. The, pathway of love, between us and our parents or us in the Almighty. These pathways have been established, we have to do work to maintain them and clear the clutter from them, obviously, but we don't have to do as much work than for example that we have a romantic partner. We have somebody we work with, we have an activity, these we have to do a lot more work to established a clear pathway. And there's a lot more day to day maintenance that's required for that.

We look at the previous pathways that we have, and we're like, those are so easy. So, making these new pathways with this person who I want to be my husband or wife should be just as easy. The day to day maintenance is not sexy. It’s like brushing your teeth. But unromantic work is required to keep, Love, maintained.

Brushing your teeth isn't a trip to Paris and it's the same thing with creating, pathways of love, between us and other people. It can't be big gestures; it's got to be the small things. It's got to be the uneventful things. It's got to be the uncomfortable conversations. It's got to be all of that. So, I don't differentiate between, love. I differentiate the pathways and how we build them. That’s the, love story.

Myrna: Please explain what you're talking about a pathway because I'm like here and I'm thinking like a highway.

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Love's pathways is like a 4 lane highway

Humble: How to love, is like a highway or a river because the highway moves quickly. Things can move quickly on the highway so, let's say that you know the highway of the, pathway to love, would be the cars and you know if you have a beautiful well paved highway with a lot of wide lanes and it's built super strong, a lot of, love, can flow through it. Now if you have one that's not been maintained and has a lot of potholes and it's crumbling, and then random pieces of garbage in the middle of the road, then everything's gonna move slow or be obstructed.

So, the work that we have to do is not only to build the pathway, but to clear the pathway regularly. So, what would what would those potholes be? What would the damage be? That's going to be our insecurities, that's going to be our need to be liked, or people pleasing. That's going to be our egocentric behavior. That's going to be our self-esteem or self-respect. That's going to be us being unwilling to be vulnerable. Think about it. When you're not vulnerable. You're putting up a wall. Now imagine putting that wall on a highway hoping to be able to get rid of a wall. You have to clear the wall. Right? And it's not an overnight thing it's going to take time to do but we have to measure progress.

You don't have to do anything to receive love

You don’t have to be perfect and worthy of love to get qualified for love and if you have love for someone, they have to reciprocate it and it's like no we are a source of love. The work that we're doing to create and keep the highways clean, so we can love can flow to you.  Some of us are creating and maintaining those highways, it's easier for some people in our lives and others. No, that doesn't mean it's impossible. It just means it's easier for others, you know, and it doesn't require the things that we think it doesn't require history. It doesn't require being perfect.

Myrna: I love it. I think that is the beautiful analogy. So, we've got this highway, right and we want to get somewhere. We want to get married. We want to be loved, so I've got this highway, but I want to get to this new love partner. But you're right, I've got all these potholes and I've got all these walls and I got all this garbage. You mentioned what some of these things are insecurities like self-esteem. You know, maybe baggage from somebody that's hurt us. So, I'm on this highway that's got all this stuff, but I'm not going anywhere because of all this clutter. So, in your book, do you tell people how to clear the, clutter.

Humble: Absolutely, the first thing I do is say you have to be aware of it. I'm gonna go as far as saying needing to get married is, clutter.  So, what I'm saying is understanding what the, clutter,  is super important and the, clutter, is not stopping you on a journey. The, clutter, is stopping love, from flowing in between you and the other person. So, our needs to have these external things outside of us is always going to be the first issue and then recognize as I said first thing is recognizing, clutter.

[caption id="attachment_2341" align="alignnone" width="300"]Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast Podbean[/caption]

Be aware of the clutter blocking love

The second thing is okay, that it exists. Okay, there's nothing wrong with any of us for having, clutter. There's nothing wrong with any of us. We're having imperfections that nothing wrong with any of us are having insecurities, that nothing wrong with any of us from wanting to be liked and accepted by others. All of these things are, clutter, but there's nothing wrong with us. Love is to accept that you have, clutter. So, we need to accept ourselves as we are. And now we need to focus on progress over perfection. If somebody was perfect, but not be able to be vulnerable and if they can be vulnerable, then you cannot connect with them.

Let's abandon this idea that everything needs to be perfect. Let's make baby steps every single day in the right direction and celebrate those baby steps. And from that standpoint, where is the love, isn't finding a partner or, true love, it’s about being honest and saying I'll be good either way. I'll be good if I have a partner or if I am single. With a partner, I can build a, pathway of love, with them. And then both of us have two independent people pillars, not my better half, not you complete me, but instead, I am a pillar. They are a pillar. And now that we are two pillars, we can hold up more together something bigger than ourselves, whether that's a family or an empire or generational increase.

Now we work together for a purpose bigger than ourselves, but also saying I am a, source of love, and I don't require anything other than that. I'm not encouraging isolation. We are social creatures. Our human design is to be around people. But at the end of the day, what we're creating is, pathways of love, to be created between us and anybody. The thing is the isolation is our ego thing that we're separate from others. When we really tap deep into that, what we start to realize and I don't and for me personally based on you know where my family comes from in the world.

[caption id="attachment_3955" align="alignnone" width="208"]Google Podcast Transform Your Mind Google Podcast Transform Your Mind[/caption]

God is love

We don't differentiate God from love, this is the same energy.  Because when you genuinely love somebody that's when you begin to melt into them. That is, how to love, the type of relationship that is possible with everyone and everything. I think that the ultimate beauty is when you can actually honestly say I would be okay single.

I don't require something outside of me to make me feel better or complete. They said we have a 56% divorce rate. We need to focus on nutrition instead of what's delicious. And I think a lot of the reasons we chase these types of relationships because they're delicious or not nutritious. How to love yourself, we need to establish healthier relationships with ourselves. That will also allow for healthy relationships with other people.

Myrna: Oh, yeah, self-love. We must have, self-love. We must be vulnerable. I know being a female, I'm not understanding how the male energy works, but female we have to be able to receive, we have to be able to make yourself vulnerable and be able to receive.  You said that being aware of our imperfections and the potholes is the first step. You're saying that we don't need to get married to be complete, or to have a better but we don't want to be in isolation and the Bible says Two are better than one. So, if we are, looking for love, how do we find it? This love that we want to attract? Where is the love?

[caption id="attachment_3951" align="alignnone" width="256"]Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast[/caption]

You have to be vulnerable to let love in

  • Humble: I'm not here to say it's better to be married versus single or what have you. The numbers are 56% divorce rate, so you can rush to get married and get in the wrong relationship and then you can end up being alone anyways. If a plane had a 56% chance of crashing, people aren't going to get on to it. So, I think learning, how to love yourself, will set the tone for all the other relationships that you have. Okay?
  • That means you have to be, vulnerable, with yourself.
  • That means you have to accept your imperfections.
  • That means you have to go easy on yourself.
  • That means you have to date yourself.
  • That means you have to journal and get to know your deeper, darker side.
  • That means you have to pray.

Prayer is Important, prayer helps with self-awareness. Journaling helps with self-awareness. Dancing by yourself in your room, gets you more aware of how your body moves and feels and flows. That's a level of intimacy with yourself. That's important. There's something called self-havening. When you hug yourself that is important.

We can hug ourselves, this level of intimacy with what we do for other people with intimacy with them and vulnerability. We can do that with ourselves. And what that allows us to do is set the tone of what we enjoy, what we don't enjoy, what our boundaries are. And this is really important especially if you have a female audience, but we have to realize that the woman's greatest power in a relationship is her, boundaries.

[caption id="attachment_4373" align="alignnone" width="220"]Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora[/caption]

Women lose their value when the reduce their boundaries

Women cannot compete with other women. For a woman to compete with another woman for a man requires her to reduce her, boundaries, thus reducing the power, thus reducing her value. Men can compete with men. Because here's the thing if I'm competing with another man, all I'm trying to do is look better, and make more money. And if I lose, I still look better and make more money. If a woman has to reduce her, boundaries, to get the man, she also lost her value. And the reason we are hesitant to maintain, boundaries, is we think they make us unlikable. That's why we all say yes when we really mean No.

Myrna: Truth, when a woman competes with another woman for a man, she's willing to do more than the other woman to keep the man.

Humble: A lot of us learnt to people please as children.   Maybe you tried to win over a parent's love one day and you weren't received well. And then you internalized thinking it's your fault. So, then you work harder. What you may not realize is your mom or dad just had a really bad day at work. You know, our mom and dad were also raised in a world where they may not know how to be emotionally available. And there's a million reasons why but when you're a child, you can't understand that.

Myrna; So what advice do you have for people looking to find a partner? We've covered a little bit of it. You said that we don't need a partner to complete us so we should be okay to be by ourselves. But let’s say I still want a partner.  I want the, love pathways, to take me somewhere? What is love?

[caption id="attachment_4378" align="alignnone" width="300"]Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM[/caption]

Looking for love? Don't sacrifice yourself

Humble: So, I'm not saying you don't need a partner. What I'm saying is don't sacrifice your, self-respect, for a partner. If you want just straight up, dating advice, one of the best pieces of advice that I got was relive, write out your entire love life. From your, first love, in kindergarten all the way up to today. Write the entire love life out. Talk about your best memories, talk about your worst memories Then go back with a highlighter and revisit the story, anything that makes you feel good highlight it. These are the qualities you want in a partner.

So for me, I had an ex-girlfriend when I was first starting this, you know, dating somebody and this is you know, 10 years ago and she said listen, the world needs to hear your voice. Stop doing everything else the world needs to hear in your voice. The world needs to hear your ideas. So, whenever I felt insecure hearing, her say that lit uplifted me. Later on, if I was dating somebody else and they're like, look, you know work isn't everything. Your mission isn't everything. Money isn't everything. I would be like; you’re not understanding what my purpose on this planet is. We're not compatible.

So, I wrote that down somebody that understand the purpose of, Humble the Poet.

[caption id="attachment_4379" align="alignnone" width="300"]Transform your Mind Podcast Index Transform your Mind Podcast Index[/caption]

How to Be loved

Myrna: Tell us about your book. Now normally this is the part where I asked why did you write it? And what do you want people to walk away with? But if you told me, you wrote it because you wanted to challenge the norms and challenge the way that people live their lives superficially. But what do you want to add to that?

[caption id="attachment_6671" align="alignnone" width="300"]Book: How to be love(d) Book: How to be love(d)[/caption]

How to Be Love(d): Simple Truths for Going Easier on Yourself, Embracing Imperfection & Loving Your Way to a Better Life

 

Humble: I want people to understand that even after you read the book, even after you hear this interview, I'm not a love guru. I'm not a love expert. What I am is I am somebody who had a failed relationship. And I was desperate to figure out why it failed. I was with a beautiful person who was beautiful inside and out. But there was a lot of anxiety and a lot of toxic energy within me that wouldn't allow me to go deeper and connect with them.

For us to spend our lives together and I was desperate to figure out why I was failing at love. So, I took a super deep dive to explore love and figure out what I was doing wrong. And this book is what I learned. So, I'm not a, love guru. What I am is I'm a student at the front of the class, taking the most precise, simple notes and I'm sharing them with everybody else. And I'm still figuring myself out. I'm still learning, what is love.

Connect with Humble the Poet on social media 

https://www.youtube.com/humblethepoet

https://www.instagram.com/humblethepoet/

https://www.facebook.com/HumbleThePoet/

https://twitter.com/humblethepoet

 

https://youtu.be/4XxbaQQa9JA

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/how-love-yourself-heal-the-body/